Complexities

Every blog has a theme, and every blogger follows it very unintentionally. Every blog is like an insight into what the blogger is made off. The perceptions and outlook of the blogger come out very subtly, but very clearly through what is written by him or her.

And so I have a type too, the complex type, and my complexities are very much reflected in what I write. I write about things or matters (at least these days), which are utterly ridiculous to some people, while at the same time very engaging to others. I do a lot of analysis and a lot of soul searching, and I never even planned on doing that when I started writing.

These days, I am so tired that I should be barely able to think, but when I go to bed at night, my brain thinks. It's weird. While I am awake, all I want to do is sleep, and when I am trying to sleep, my brain makes up stuff, unreal stuff, stuff that seems so real, that I have to actually get up and be sure whether that happened or not.

I have not been this exhausted in very long, so I think my mind is taking its time to adjust to all this, hence the weird sleep cycle and implications.

I do not know why certain things that are happening to me are happening at all. I am the happiest person one day, and the saddest the next day. But overall, I am content with life, there are things that I want, but I think my needs are very much in check.

Tia from Clever Girl Goes Blog says,

"I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. I don't pretend to understand life completely, but sometimes it's easier to take comfort in the fact that there are things that are out of your control."

And I can't help but agree to her. You don't have to be in control all the time, and since I have been pretty much in control all the time, not letting things get to me enough to make me question them, this time I should just accept that God has a plan for me, and sometimes it takes much longer for one to understand it.

That was a vague thing to put in, I know. I put it there because I think my tiredness and unsleepiness (I know that's not even a word) is accentuated with my complexities and the uncertainties.

I think my complexities hurt people sometime, especially my close friends. Not that I hurt them directly, but what I say makes them think, and then hurts them. I do not wish to do that, I never wanted to do that, and I don't know how I managed to that. But I want that to change.

I don't know how many of who read my blog, even like it. I wonder whether what I write makes them think too. If it does, then that is not my intention, and I apologize for all the drama that I induce, if any.

I plan to uncomplexify things. Not intentionally, but unintentionally. So hopefully that should happen.