Do not even read this

So I have this "something is missing" feeling a lot these days. It is not suppose to be like that, but for some reason it is like that. I think I would like my blame my idiot BFF who decided to move half way across the globe, soon after which events took place which changed a lot around. 

NOT COOL!

I have friends but I am lazy, which means I would rather be in bed doing nothing, then making an effort of walking two blocks to see someone even if its 7 PM and I am back from work and I still have 4 hours before I start planning going to bed. So that in combination with my the closest friends not living around has turned me into a boring, not feeling at home person. 

(What am I even saying, someone needs to proof read this thing for me)

All I am trying to say is I think a year down the lane, I'd be ready to leave Philly and move to a different city. It was always about the people, and some how the people that made it what it is, are not here anymore. I miss those people but oh well, can't do no-thing about that.

(You know what I do at 8:30PM on a Monday night, plan on going to bed, LAME, very LAME, someone make me work out, I am getting fat... this is where I completely lost it)

Changing the topic entirely, I can't believe I am so feeling-less that I can't come up with a half decent expressive post. What is happening? I am thinking about work, and unfortunately can't write about that here, now can I..

Now I am just rambling, my worst ever I swear. 

Anyhoo, at least I cook more and clean more. (Not that it even matters). I am getting all homely.

Wonder where the college girl in me went??

You hear it in silence

Catchy title eh?

You know when people say silence is powerful, you sometimes wonder how so?

I know how so.

Yesterday, I went and stood next to my old house. I could not hear anything, and I just closed my eyes, and all the memories came rushing back.

How I spent all my teenage years there. How I met so many people, made so many friends there. How I tasted the not so appealing societal pressure, and the need to be secrete in whatever you do to hide from all those eyes, who are watching everything you do, and just waiting for an opportunity to gossip about it.

I remembered how I grew up trying to fight everything my parents said (typical teenager), and getting away with things. How I had to fight for every minute of freedom outside the house, and the curfew seemed to be on 24/7.

How I met my first boy friend, the guy who can still give me butterflies (I am not too sure about this one, I need to see him first, which I have not in 5 or 6 years). How I always sneaked out to see him. Ahhhh.. days where everything was adventurous.

That house reminded of so many things. Things I can't imagine doing anymore. Things I see girls my age doing now. It's such a cycle. But I am so very far from it, it seems so unreal sometimes.

I can not imagine not being able to talk on the phone at 1 am if I want to, and there were the days where talking on the phone so late could not be achieved so easily. And even before were the days of no cell phones, where using the home phone meant keeping your guard up, because mom being mom, might just pick it up from the other side and listen to your conversations.

And here I am now, with all the freedom in the world. No questions asked, no answers expected. It's really amazing how far have I come. I see my girl friends here still having the same issues, and when they tell me, "I dont think mom will let me come out,".. sometimes I don't understand why. I left home at 18, saw my parents after 2 years, travelled to Europe by myself, I did so much on my own, that I think asking me not to leave the house would be a kinda weird. I feel blessed to have achieved what I have, to get the freedom I always wanted (thanks to my parents for that, being the kid I was, they really had to have some guts to do this), and to live a life that I have no regrets with (apart from you know the usual I blab about)

So when I close my eyes, and stand outside my old house, I hear it in silence, I hear the echoes of the past, and the memories I created there.