When you close your eyes

Every once in a while you want to just stop whatever you are doing and think for a while. You need to close your eyes and just take a deep breath and gather those thoughts. Just go back in time a little. Just breathe.

The world moves too fast for an average person. Before you know it the childhood is over. It’s time to be mature and responsible. And you run looking for happiness, run to make a living, run to keep up with the world.

But then in all this craze there are those moments when you close your eyes and reach a different place. Your happy place. The place, the person that made you happy or makes you happy. So many thoughts. So many things to do. But just close you eyes. And stay still.

There is this song I listen to every now and then. It instantly works on me. It has a sad tone to it, but it takes me back to some happy days. It just works. I close my eyes and I see everything. Every moment. It just works.

The song just means that without those moments everything seems to have a lesser impact. The rains seems drier. The light seems dimmer. The breeze is not that breezy. And there are just not that many wishes anymore.

So some memories still stay. They still work. They still make me happy.

Bye bye to Portland and Seattle

I had an amazing vacation. And that combined with some other reasons I just do not want to go back to Philly. I am 1.5 hours away from landing, and I just wish I did not have to go back there… at least for now.

West Coast is definitely a whole different world altogether. And I think north west is the most under rated region in America. Where else would you see a mountain peak on the left and down town Seattle on the right, creating the most blissful scenery? Seattle is made for someone like me. Being a technical person, companies such as Microsoft and Amazon just create opportunities for me there. The weather is ummmm not that great but I think I can manage. Varun lives three hours away, Gwen lives right there and I heard the dating scene is awesome there (I mean who doesn’t find that appealing)

I know at the end of a trip or being away for a while, I have always wanted to come back to Philly. But that has to do a lot with the people around me, and not the city on its own. I know I can create a Philly in Seattle if I want to, rather if I get to be with that many people.

Its high time, I start preparing myself to leave Philly. It’s not like I am going to be there forever. Portland is a little to quiet for me, but may be Seattle is it.

So now back to this plane ride. There is a kid sitting in the row in front of me, and he has managed to turn my computer off two times by just slipping his hand through the gap between the seats and making me re write this post twice

(yeah yeah.. I should save my drafts)

Now three days in Philly, and then I head to Tuscan AZ.  Some life people would say. Can I say the same though??

Anyhoo.. I fly so much, but somehow I never ever liked it as much especially when I cant sleep. This flight is 2 hours 39 minutes, which is nothing compared what I usually do, but for some reasons it seems 10 times longer….sigh

You hear it in silence

Catchy title eh?

You know when people say silence is powerful, you sometimes wonder how so?

I know how so.

Yesterday, I went and stood next to my old house. I could not hear anything, and I just closed my eyes, and all the memories came rushing back.

How I spent all my teenage years there. How I met so many people, made so many friends there. How I tasted the not so appealing societal pressure, and the need to be secrete in whatever you do to hide from all those eyes, who are watching everything you do, and just waiting for an opportunity to gossip about it.

I remembered how I grew up trying to fight everything my parents said (typical teenager), and getting away with things. How I had to fight for every minute of freedom outside the house, and the curfew seemed to be on 24/7.

How I met my first boy friend, the guy who can still give me butterflies (I am not too sure about this one, I need to see him first, which I have not in 5 or 6 years). How I always sneaked out to see him. Ahhhh.. days where everything was adventurous.

That house reminded of so many things. Things I can't imagine doing anymore. Things I see girls my age doing now. It's such a cycle. But I am so very far from it, it seems so unreal sometimes.

I can not imagine not being able to talk on the phone at 1 am if I want to, and there were the days where talking on the phone so late could not be achieved so easily. And even before were the days of no cell phones, where using the home phone meant keeping your guard up, because mom being mom, might just pick it up from the other side and listen to your conversations.

And here I am now, with all the freedom in the world. No questions asked, no answers expected. It's really amazing how far have I come. I see my girl friends here still having the same issues, and when they tell me, "I dont think mom will let me come out,".. sometimes I don't understand why. I left home at 18, saw my parents after 2 years, travelled to Europe by myself, I did so much on my own, that I think asking me not to leave the house would be a kinda weird. I feel blessed to have achieved what I have, to get the freedom I always wanted (thanks to my parents for that, being the kid I was, they really had to have some guts to do this), and to live a life that I have no regrets with (apart from you know the usual I blab about)

So when I close my eyes, and stand outside my old house, I hear it in silence, I hear the echoes of the past, and the memories I created there.