Counting down to the end

Exactly one month to graduation. I know a lot of seniors who have mixed feelings about the whole thing. Some are super excited about leaving. Some are just worried about getting a job. Some are just sad, and some don’t care.

I am neither. This is life changing for me. My campus is the place I call home. The past five years have contributed 90% to who I am. I have become cynical, loving, hating, caring, everything because of what I learned here, and I see this as an end of an era in my life.

For the first time in five years I have nothing to look forward to. Yes I may start working in October if everything goes according to plan, but three months in between are just there without me having any idea of what I will do.

This has never happened before here, when I have not known what to do. I am not used to vacations. I am not used to not working, and even worse, not being able to work in the summer because of a million restrictions that the government poses on international students.

So I have nothing to look forward to. Nothing at all. I just get uneasy at the thought of packing and moving my life around. I should be ok with it. I should be ready for this. But I am not. All I know is I have had the time of my life, and every moment has made me thank my gods for getting me this country and to this school. I don’t know how to live otherwise.

I don’t know how to not get access to the library, or the labs or chill in the quad between classes. I don’t know how to not know what week of classes is it, or what event is going on campus. All I know I is its scary and it is making me sad along with unhelpful.

These lines right now fit my emotions in the most approximate way:

The more I look back on all the happy times
the easier it is for me to realize
that friends are much more then hellos and goodbye
it all comes down to what you have inside.

Yes, some are good singers and some are athletic
but that doesn't matter (are you starting to get it?)
all that is important is the feeling inside
if your white or black or green or blue eyed.

For me to sit and say "I wont miss this old place"
is wrong and untrue (cant you tell in my face?)
all the friends and teachers meant so much to me
I don't know any place that I'd rather be.

"Those were the days", I'd here my parents say.
cherish there years...each and everyday
The people you'll meet and the places you'll go
and the hurt once that gone is more then you'll know.

All my friends will be leaving and I'll still be here
All my friends I'll be losing is my greatest fear
Promise you wont forget me as you go away,
promise you'll be back to see me someday!

Courtesy: graduation day by Grimm @ The friendship page

I don’t know how to feel any different at this very moment.

SIGH!!!