I was once told that sometimes when you take a step forward in your relationship with people there is no going back. No matter how much you want to, it just becomes too hard to go back, or sometimes even impossible.
I do believe that, but I also believe that sometimes there are other things involved that makes it harder not just you and the person in question. The other times, it’s your past experience that makes you question things and people, which makes it even more difficult to let things change at all, you can’t go back, and you can’t move forward. You are stuck.
I give my past a lot of value in judging situations. I feel I can’t be spoken to in a certain way, or treated a certain way even if I know this person has no bad intentions. It makes me upset, very upset, to the point, that I just want to run away. Not deal with anything. Not talk. Not exist.
It does sound like an extreme and I know it’s about time I stop relating everything to what happened long ago, but when I think I am doing better with comparisons, something is said that makes me question my relationship with people. All because I compare. I remember how it made me feel. I remember what sometimes, people are capable of.
I am upset right now. While writing this I am upset but I know I won’t be tomorrow. I know I’ll be fine because my past protects me. It makes me stronger too, it makes not give a damn, it makes me quit without pain.
But the bottom line. The past still haunts me, sometimes its a good thing, and sometimes I wish I could erase it.
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Once Buddha was in an assembly when a man walked in looking furious. He thought Buddha was doing something wrong. He was a restless businessman and he had found that his children were spending hours with Buddha when they could have engaged themselves in business at that time, making more and more money. He felt that spending four hours of their day seated next to someone whose eyes were always closed was incredulous. This was what had upset the businessman.
So, with furiousness walked straight up to Buddha looked him the eye and spat. He was so angry, he could not find the words to exprss them that he merely spat at Budha. Buddha simply smiled. He showed no anger, though the disciples around him were angry. They would have liked to react but could not because Buddha was there. So, everybody was holding their lips and fists tight. After the businessman spat at Buddha and realised his action was not drawing a reaction, simply walked away in a huff.
Buddha did not react or say anything. He just smiled. And that was enough to shock the angry man. For the first time in his life, the man had met someone who would just smile when he spat on his face. That man could not sleep all night and his whole body underwent such a transformation. He was shivering, shaking. He felt as if the whole world had turned upside down. The next day he went and fell at Buddhas feet and said, “Please forgive me. I did not know what I did. To which Buddha replied, I cannot excuse you!
Everyone including the man and Buddhas disciples were flabbergasted. Buddha then explained the reason for his statement. He said, Why should I forgive you when you have done nothing wrong.
The businessman looked a little more surprised and told Buddha that it was he who had wronged him by spitting on him. Buddha simply said, Oh! That person is not there now. If I ever meet that person whom you spat on, I will tell him to excuse you. To this person who is here, you have done no wrong. That is real compassion.
MORAL :
Compassion is not saying, I forgive you. Your forgiveness should be such that the person who is forgiven, does not even know that you are forgiving them. They should not even feel guilty about their mistake.
YOU HAVE TO DO IS...
If someone holds on to you for something you did in the past, just laugh at them. This is because you are not the same person now. You see it as though somebody else did it.
............ ......... .........
This is because the samskara of your consciousness has been erased, those things of the past have been erased. This makes you a new person, every time, every day.
This is pure knowledge.
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