I try

I don’t know what it is that makes the whole world seems so disconnected right now, but I try.

I try and make sense of most things that seem completely nonsensical to me. It’s probably the side effect of unemployment that so many relationships that I have build over the past 5 some years seem under a constant scrutiny. I try to keep my rationale and remind myself invariably about the over time my mind is doing on their existence but I don’t know how much of it really works.

There are not many people who can read me, get me in and out, predict me, dissect my actions but I guess that’s the whole point. What’s the fun in being so well known that nothing you do surprises people. The only thing most people agree on when it comes to me is “she’s blunt to the point that it’s insensitive at times.” But that’s for those who have only known me for a year or two. I try letting them in and rethink that statement which they believe is a fact, but it doesn’t work.

Then there are those ones who read me like no other. Or may be there is one or there are two who read me like no other and I have let them in so much that sometimes, their absence disables me from breathing. I tried to keep them close, as close to me as I could, but that just aided the distance.

I don’t know why am I saying all this. I guess I am saying I try, I really do, but the trying doesn’t seem to work. It is a whole lot self assessment in combination with amendments that just take too much of effort and time. But hey, I am still gonna try :)

Sigh!

What can a girl do?