The life after

A week since I left Germany, on new year's eve, I am sitting alone in my apartment wondering about so many things.

Its the vacation time here, so no one is really on campus and my apartment of 6 people has just me most of the times. For some reason, I dont mind being alone here that much as much as I minded being in Germany. There is always someone to call or talk to here, or some place I can just walk out to so it is not as bad. I do miss my friends from Germany though. I really wish I could see them again.

I also have one more wish. I want everything here to come back to normal like it has been since 3 years. I dont want any sadness, any issues with anyone, any complications, I just want that amazing college life that I have had since 3 years. There is prolly no reason for me to believe that it wont be the same, but then there prolly is. Its prolly gonna be the same after everyone comes back, and I start classes, and work, but for some weird reason things seem different.

I think this is a weird phase you go through when you switch lives, and there is this mid phase where you have nothing to do but just wait for everything to fall into place. Ahhhh... I am a stupid emotional overthinking idiot. Sigh!!!!

I think I need some face to face Pooja lectures or Ankit criticism. That would certainly help. But they all have to be in their home countries when I am here. Idiots. 5 days... thats all.. then I can start afresh :)

Its over.... Sept 3, 2008 -- Dec 24, 2008

A little less than 4 months in Deutschland. Visiting a good bunch of places, meeting some amazing people from all over the world, eating a lot of Doner, drinking a lot of wine (yes yes wine, not beer for me), having a million self realizations and some about other people and knowing where I wanna be. This is what this semester can be summed up as.

On the eve of my departure, all alone in Germany (as everyone has left), I want to think about everything that has happened in the past 4 months, and how I have cried seeing some people leave. Frankly speaking, Germany is an amazing place, not when it comes to all the paper work you have to do to get the smallest of things done, but for its people. It has been one hell of an experience, the one I think I would never ever forget. I have written so much about what I feel, and how I feel, that all I want to do is collect everything I have learned and make use of it.

There were about 150 exchange students who came here and Hafenstrasse was full of parties and sounds, and the past few days have been pretty much dead, with today the only sounds I can here are those of cars on the road. This dampness hints the end of the semester and echoes so many good byes. Saying good bye is the hardest, and this exchange term was a proof of that for me.

Leaving Aga and Asia today, I felt this weirdness inside me. Aga has been the most amazing room mate, and Asia a relief. Asia left at the end, and I just stood there for a while as she boarded the bus and drove away, recollecting every thing, every happy moment, every random thought, and every misery that we have shared. I miss her already. She is no more living next corner, and she probably never will.

But now I go back to my own life, a life that I have built myself over the past 3 years, the life that has made me what I am, and the life that gives me comfort so many times.

So goodbye Mannheim, goodbye Germany, and goodbye Europe!!! I am glad I made it here, and I am glad to learn what I learned!

OMG! Its hitting me

All this while I have been saying I wanna go back, with fleeting moments of liking it here, but since three days now, I dont know what has happened. I am realizing how much I am gonna miss some people to the point that I dont want them to go.



Today Maciek and Beata are leaving. I just went out with them a while back, and I was saying bye to Maciek, and I just could not leave. I cant get the thought out of my mind that I wont see him again. He has truly been the funniest, always making me laugh guy here. He has managed to bring a smile on my face no matter how upset I am. I just hate the thought of not seeing him again, it brings tears to my eyes. I never thought I am gonna be that upset at seeing someone leave.


On Sunday Rob leaves. The guy I bonded with in the past 2 months. He lives in North Carolina, so technically I have a high probability of seeing him, but even then its just so sad. He was my American solace here. Whenever I had tough time explaining my American slang to people, he was the one who laughed, because he got my sarcasm. We have had such amazing time cursing each other, or just making non sensical jokes. Its hitting me that its not gonna be the same anymore, that I wont see him again, atleast not for a while. I am amazed and how upset this makes me. I have an exam tomorrow, and all I can think of right now is him leaving tomorrow, and how can I spend time with him and Marie tonight so that I can make as much of it as I can.

Monday..Marie leaves. The girl who has taught me so much here, who has bared my ranting, who has made sure I am alright even when she is in a different city. She has been there like no one else, without any expectations. She lives in Qubec, so I am sure I will see her again, I just dont know when. I just cant say enough about how I feel seeing her leave. Its like taking my smiling factor away from me. My partner in crime here as I put it. If I had to pick one person here that I would like to take home with me, its gonna be her undoubtedly. Whenever I will close my eyes and think of people close to my heart, she is gonna be one of them for sure. People say you get to really know how much you value someone when you leave, and she is one person I know I would value all my life, for all that she has made me learn without even trying to teach.

I am just way too upset with these three people leaving in 2 days, and the worst part is I did not think I would be. First time in four months I want to say that, I would like to stay here only if they stay. I cant believe I am feeling that, I dont know whether its out of intense emotions and momentary or I genuinly feel that, but for now its really weird to see them leave.

On a different note, I should study. I have an exam in 14 hours, but I can only think of being with these people right now.

I dedicate these to the three people who I cherish a lot here.. Maciek, Rob and MARIE...

P.S: I am sure I gonna start writing about Aga and Asia soon. They are here till Tuesday so may be thats gonna hit me soom as well :D

Seeing people leave.. the sadness.. the boredom,,, the wait!!

Its almost the end of the exchange term, and slowly and steadily everyone is leaving. It makes me sad to see them leave, as I have made some friends. For some of them, I don't even know whether I will ever see them again. As they leave.... I get more and more bored and wait more to leave. The Americans are first to leave, and a lot of them are good friends. This apartment where I live does not seem fun without Marie and Rob. There are others, but they are the ones who bring fun to the house, at least for me, especially me.


I do not know whether I am suppose to talk about people here, but in Marie I have found the coolest, most relaxed and the most carefree person. She has been traveling by herself all over Europe, and has had a blast. She has couch surfed, made friends and acquaintances in every city she has been to, and I have never seen her stressed or worried. That's the life I wish I could have had, or atleast the part where there were no stupid worries. She is my partner in crime here, and I will miss her a lot, I really hope I get to see her soon.

The others who are leaving might not be close friends, but they definitely make me realize how this journey is coming to an end. I have stressed a lot in my earlier posts on how much I have learned here, so I dont think I should go into the details again, but yes this was one hell of a term. Ten days from now, every person I hang out with will be gone. Makes me sad, even when I think of it. This whole experience makes you meet so many people, out of who you know, you will never see again. I think I will feel the strangness too when I go back. The feeling of being home would be great, but the feeling of change.. not so much!

I know right now I am really bored, my computer is my best friend, and I cant wait for the last 16 days to get over. But I know when I am in Philly, I will miss those happy moments, the feeling that I had when I saw Venice first, the smell of the Alps in Bavaria, the bazillion Doner shops, the Polish taste of conversations, the German weirdness, and so many small other things.

I wish I can see Asia again. I wish I can laugh with Maciek again. I will make sure I see Rob, Marie, Bo, Mary-Beth again. I wish I can make use of what I know about so many things. Most importantly, I wish I learn to be happy wherever I am in this world, as Marie says.. home is where you stay and meet people that make you happy!!!

A note on love in Germany

When I say I love you..you think its untrue
You think I say it all the time
You think I say it to too many people

But when I say I love you to you
It means I am in love with you
It means you make me the happiest
It means you are my good friend
It means I wake up thinking about you
I go to bed thinking about you
I cant wait to see you

When I say I love you
I dont want to bind you
I dont want you to say it back
I just want you to know
When you need that love
I'll be the one standing behind you

I just got the lines from somewhere while trying to study, and then there was a debate between the Polish and the Germans on how much of what you do in a relationship depends on love.

German: Love is important, but it is not the basis of a relationship to just date and kiss or even have sex with someone
Polish: Love is the basis for everything. It's weird how you can do anything without feeling something special
German: People say I love you all the time. Dont mean it half the time.
Polish: Did you not pay attention to the lines. When you say I love to someone special.. it means you are in love with him/her.
German: Scheisse.. Polish
Me: Can I talk now please. Those lines are very true I think. But I am sure what you Germans think is true as well.
Polish: Ahhh.. cookie.. love is important
Me: Yes it is.. but what about not being loved backed
German: Too serious talk.. lets eat some pan cakes
Everyone: Yeah.. lets eat

Its amazing how the cultural values of the both differ. Germans are much more open minded, and polish on the other hand not so much. But frankly speaking I dont think there is anything wrong with that. Sometimes its actually refreshing to meet people who still believe in the good old values.

My take on love.. haha.. I dont know really. Some time back it was different from what it is now. So may be sometime later it is going to be different again. For now.. I just know its suppose to make you more happy than sad!

This post is dedicated to all my girl friends here in Mannheim who bitch about and complain about and love the love of their lives :D

Some fun.. some studying

Its that time of the year again, when I can barely think. Its amazing how when I really need to think, I would rather sleep, eat, sleep and eat some more.

Today is officially day one of my cycle of studying. I have an exam in a week, and around 300 slides to go over and memorize, like the good old days in India, where memorizing is all we did. It just seems so hard to study for exams now, the way I did in India. See, America is easy. There are so many homeworks, tests and assignments that you do not have to depend on the exam entirely. I have never spent more than 2 days of studying on an exam there, and definitely no sleepless nights. But here.. I am back to being in school in India, where slogging was a way of life.

Technically I should not be complaining. I had 3 months to study, and even if I gave myself 3-4 hours a week to actually sit down and study rather than being plain bored, I would have better off right now. But as they say "Procrastination is a man's best friend" or rather I just say.

Since the summer really, I have not studied much. A study abroad is more or less like a vacation term where you pass time by taking few classes and traveling. So getting into the whole studying grove is proving to be much more difficult than I had originally imagined. The good though, believe it or not I actually stay way from the internet while I study. That's very much my biggest achievement in a very long time. I am this super addicted to "chatting to friends back home" person, so this is good for me.

Today I spent the Sunday by waking up at noon (yes yes I am one of those), and then just sat in the kitchen with Marie and Rob and studied. I am a little glad I was not studying for the same exam as them, since I have no idea how they ever got anything done with the amount of discussion that was going on between them. I managed to finish around 150 slides, which is not bad I'd say. But the question how much did I retain!!!!!! SIGH! I get 45 minutes and 3 questions, and I have no clue how that works. At least in India, we had 3 hours. I have never written such a short exam, so I am clueless about what is actually gonna happen.



Now the fun part!!! Yesterday I went to Saarbrucken. The capital of the state Saarland, very close to the french border. One day trips have always been my favorite, and I have not had one in a while, so I had amazing fun. It was the four of us, and just 2 hours each way.

Marie has a friend there who showed us around. The WeinachtsMarkt (Christmas Market) was just beautiful. Gluhwine is the thing for Christmas here. I dont know what they call it anywhere else, but its bluish in color, has some spices and is boiled before drinking. Every Weinachtsmarkt has tons of places selling that. The city is not that big, and the shopping street is the highlight. Wherever I have been in Germany, I have come to realized how every city (small or big) has a big shopping street with all the brands (small or big). I guess people like to shop here, even if the prices are killing most of the times.

Last week I had dinner with a German family. They made me some turkey. It was nice to have a typical German dinner with a typical German family. They live outside the city (in a suburbia kinda place), but public transportation is still available. That's one thing I like about this place, living without a car is just too easy. People dont drive unless they really have to. Most of them like to bike around, even if the distance is 30 kms. After all, Germany is big on environmental protection. I never gotta bike here though, got too cold, and I really cant take the wind when on a bike.

Vielleicht muss ich in Deutsch schreiben, aber dann, mesiten leute mich nicht verstehen wollen. Ich bin hier seit drei Monate, und noch, mein Deutsch ist nicht so gut. Ich versuche mit viele Leute in Deutsch zu sprechen, aber viele Fehler.

I dont know why I wrote the above paragraph, being random is my specialty I guess by now! So anyways I am studying, studying, not absorbing anything, and having a little bit of fun here and there. I am not excited to be here after the 21st all by myself, since everyone leaves pretty much for home. Christmas. 9 days without anyone in my apartment DO NOT seem to be fun. I live with 9 other people in my apartment, and for 9 days I'll be the only one living in it. Sounds boring and depressing. I hate being alone. I tried to pre pone my tickets, but thats just too expensive.

I sorta have a list. Things to do when there is noone and nothing to do:

• Read a German book, should easily take 2 days. (I have already bought one)
• Watch a German movie with subtitles (not too keen on this one)
• Go to Berlin by yourself for a day (ehhhh.. may be)
• Shop some! I have a list of things people want (Pooja's birthday present or presents)
• Hang out with some Germans, some of them are probably gonna be here
• Work more than usual
• Blog..only if there is something to blog about
• Talk to people back home (Pooja plans to be busy, Ali is an idiot..shows no love, Ankit..I am sure he'll be too busy studying even on break, Tushar.. heights of ignorance, Aditi.. people need to take an appointment from her, Gauri.. she never has much to say)
• Hang out with Cheryl. May be she can spare some time even though her boy friend will be here
• Plan summer trips
• Go to a club...drink..dance.. (I dont really think this one is gonna happen)

So here is my list. And I am sure I wont do most of it. Given that I am lazy like crazy, and I hate dressing up unless ofcourse its one of those random days where I would wanna do that. Hopefully after the 20th.. I would not just be complaining about life. A big SIGH!!!

Dos and Donts of a Study Abroad

Now that I have been here for 3 months, I can officially pass on my wisdom to those who plan on doing what I just did.

I do not say my experiences account as a testimony for a normal exchange student (If you have been following this blog, you know I am not normal :) ), but the list that follows has been made after being with both who love the experience and those not so much.

DO'S

• Be open to partying, meeting new people, eating all kinds of food and experimenting
• Travel. Especially if you are an exchange student in Europe. You will never ever get this much time to explore.
• Learn a new language, and practice it as much
• Let go of whatever it is that is holding you. Do what you have not done before, remember new country new people, time to make mistakes and learn from them
• Visit the small cities and towns in the country. Thats where the real beauty is.
• Saving money is easy. Just try and cook as much. Eating out is expensive.

I am afraid the don'ts are gonna be way more thanks to my personal experience.


DONT'S

• Do not be broke and come here. You wont be able to travel, and trust me, thats no fun!
• Do not spend time on the computer. That would just prove how bored you are.
• Do not just waste time in talking to people back home. They are there for you even if you don't talk to them for a couple of months
• Do not buy a eurail pass. A semester is 4 months, and the pass is way too expensive. You can cover a lot of countries with a much less price.
• Do not take a bazillion classes. The point is to learn in a different country and experience the culture, not to kill yourself in the room in a different country

That's all I can think of now actually. I am sure I'll come up with some more in some time.

Philly to Mannheim

At the airport...

You know how you never realize what something means to you till you leave it behind and then you look back and it’s gone… that is the weirdest feeling of all.

I won’t say I didn’t know the value or importance of that things before, but I just didn’t know how hard it would be to walk away. I am nice person in general, I cut people a lot of slack, I stick around but I never let go. I might forgive, but I always hold on to the past to make sense out of the future.

This blog is meant to be about my experiences in Germany and while traveling places in Europe, but I think everything that I have experienced in my personal life so far has all to do with Germany. When I say I know myself, I mean I know what people do can piss me off, and what can make me happy. What I don’t know is how much I am capable of trusting and believing in some people. I believe in God, and that helps. It really helps especially when you want to reason out all the bad stuff and think what you did made the almighty do this to you. I have tried reasoning out a lot of times the reason behind me traveling half way across the globe away from both friends and family when I was not suppose to enjoy it in the first place. A couple of things that I have short listed are:

• To know myself better
• To meet some amazing people
• To know whether faith lasts
• To experience the work culture of Germany

I can probably say few more, but these definitely seem the most plausible.

So I started by talking about the weirdest feeling of all when I am returning back to Germany right now and sitting at the airport writing down how I feel. I feel weird yes, I feel like I don’t wanna go back, but at the same time I do wanna go back and meet all those people I met; one last time. Say final goodbyes. Hope to meet them again in some part of the world or the other. 10 days in Philadelphia have been more than just pleasant. They have been a dream from which you do not want to wake up. I think when one does not expect a lot from something, it generally turns out to be very good. That’s exactly what happened here.

People surprise me the most even when the person in context is someone I know since a very long time. They do things which hurt you when you expect it least, they make you really happy when you did not even know they care, they make you cry when you were laughing a moment ago, and they leave just when you wanted them to stay. People just surprise me. And people who matter are responsible for making things good or bad for me.

Some hours later...

Its been 12 hours since I wrote that last para, and now I am in my room in Mannheim, and feel like I am back to reality. Its like I never left. But now I think I am more than ready to finally leave, and go back to the busy life of Drexel. 28 more days. That's what I have. Should not be that bad. May be I can get to see Spain or Paris or Prague if I am lucky enough, and may be I can really have a blast, right here in Mannheim!

I was way too random here. I think sitting at the airport with no internet and phone, just made my brain cells gather small pieces of information from here and there. Pardon me for the extreme randomness.