Things to do when there is nothing to do

when I was 10 years old I was crazy about the annual book fair that was held in my school. it was sponsored by scholastic.
I always wanted as many books as I could. ghostbusters, sweet valley, nancy drew, anything and everything.
this one time, I bought 1001 things to do when there is nothing to do, not because I had nothing to do, but because I wanted to know what american kids do when they have nothing to do, especially in summer.
now why am I saying all this, well just because I think I can use that book right about now. I am not an american teenager, or even an american by any standards but I am in america. so may be I can use some "how to spend your summer" tips and make use of the seemingly unlimited time I have.
right now, I am going to some random office party with a bunch of people I have absolutely nothing in common with. in my normal routine, I would never do that, and I am sure the same goes for them, but the nothingness makes you find fun everywhere you can I guess.
also, I am writing this on my phone, which says something about how I am spending my ride to the place.
SIGH!!!!
anyhoo...
I am glad it's summer. no season is better than this one.

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Letter to God

Dear God,

You know how they say sometimes, “It was always meant to be.”

How do you know that’s true?

What if sometimes you believe, you keep that faith, and still your “meant to be” never happens?

I can never really seem to make myself use that line really. At least not anymore, because well, my meant to be is not easily believed by other people, but that’s besides the point.

The point is, this whole belief and faith and all the positive, magical terms, how do they really help, when nothing, absolutely nothing is going your way and all you feel is this intense emotion of sadness and pain and time is not your best friend.

Honestly, I wouldn’t know. I would like to think there are happy endings for the believers in “meant to be,” but if I say that I would be lying.

But even after all that I think I want to have so much belief and faith in something that I can convince myself that it was meant to be. I need some magic around me to make me believe, to make me think sometimes it’s ok to go with the heart.

(The awesome weather right now is just making me a romantic)

So all in all I am asking you to help me believe. To grant me some faith without making me go through the whole questioning it phase, at least this one time. I think I have questioned it enough in the past, so may be this time I should get a pass on that one.

What do you think? Sounds like a decent request to me. I promise I’ll appreciate what I get, and not let you down. Trust me, you’ll be glad you did this for me.

I hope I can get this ASAP.

(I know you don’t want a million letters from me, so hopefully just this one works.)

Lots of love,

Me

 

Letter to my readers

Dear Readers,

I know this letter will probably get me a lot of hate, but I need to say this.

A lot of my blogging is just a venting space. I do it here, because I would rather blog about it to random people than bore my close friends with it.

However I know some of my close friends do read it. And when they read some things, they assume other things, which probably is my fault because I am so vague.

And when they assume, they tell my other close friends about it, and hence starts a chain of Japanese whisper, where one thing turns in to other.

Again, I know people care and they will try and help me out if I sound extremely upset or just stupid or in distress or all those kinds of things. But the thing is I am usually not taking a dig at anyone at all. When I say boy friend, best friend, friend, coworker and all those things, a lot of time they are just made up scenarios to get my point across.

I do not have issues with everyone in my life. I love the people in my life, and inevitably there are certain times when we fight or have miscommunication and I mention my state of mind, and that is when I vent here.

Please do not go tell someone, “I think she meant you,” because trust me you don’t know. All it does is create a chain of explanations from me. And I do not want to be answerable to anyone for what I do here. I never take names. I usually keep things vague, at least I try to. If you sometimes think something is really bothering me, ask me, don’t bother people with it, they start thinking I am just bitching about them publicly.Because honestly, I never mean to hurt anyone.

And may be I have in the past. May be I have said somethings which are bothersome and some people close to me take it personally, and for that I am truly apologetic.

I blog because it calms me down. I blog when I need to find a way to distract myself. I blog when I think someone out there will get what I am saying. I blog making hypothetical situations. I blog for expression, not for vengeance.

So all that being said, can you please tell me yourself if something offended you, or you think I was talking about someone in particular. Because trust me, I know you care, you are curious, but sometimes you mess things up for me. Even if I am talking about someone, may be I should be the one clearing things with them, instead of you making them believe it’s them.

Lastly, even here I am not talking about anyone in particular. Because I have no one particular in my mind. I don’t at all. I just know there are some people who do this, mostly out of concern, but even if their intention is right, their execution isn’t.

I hope I did not make anyone mad by saying all this. I love blogging, and I just don’t want to be scared to write anything. This is one place I don’t have to care, and I would hate it if it were otherwise.

Thank you for reading!!!

Love,

Me

 

No balance

Obviously there are people in your life who you like more than they like you. It is hard to achieve an equilibrium, is it almost rare.

There is always that boyfriend/girlfriend who cares less than you, the best friend who is not as much about you as you are about her, the friend who forgets to wish you every year while you never forget, the cousin who is your role model and doesn’t even care, the teacher you have a crush on but doesn’t look back, the co-worker who makes your heart skip a beat and never even notices you, and so on and so forth. Basically there are so many situations where the balance is beyond reachable.

Sometimes you are ok with this unbalanced situation. (I mean c’mon, you can’t always have it your way, can you know!!!)

The other times, this unbalance bothers the hell out of life.

So the question is what do you do when you are in the latter situation?

I would usually say, back the hell off. Getting your expectations down is the best way to reach the equilibrium. Never sell your self short because trust me, it sucks to be the one who is always expecting.

(I just stopped making sense even to myself)

And my very very random question is what do you do when you are in love with your best friend’s boy friend?

(I have been watching way too much One tree Hill, do not even get me started on how much)

P.S: I love this song:

 

Why date?

Last night I was sitting with a bunch of people in one of my regular hang outs and discussing the dating lives of people. The whole discussion consisted of when to date, who to date, why date and so on and so forth. And that’s one I realized something.

Dating means “getting to know the other person, with some pre-existing pressure of making it to the next level unlike being friends first and then eventually getting into a relationship.”

See, I always knew that, but I never realized it needs to be practiced. It is indeed a very non-Indian way. Indians don’t just meet and start dating, there is always some sort of friendship preceding it. But then there is dating, where you don’t always need the friendship.

I have never ever been able to open myself to the idea of just meeting someone and going on a date and then going on a second one and you know the pattern. I have always wondered, “how the hell do you trust the person in few meetings?” What if the guy is a creepster, or a stalker, or a liar or just outright psychotic???

(Hey, you know these things happen, weirdos come along)

So, What’s the point in taking such a big chance just because you want to be with someone?

Well I guess, after a while, that is how you meet people. Get to know what’s out there. May be fall in love someday. At least, that’s what the stories that were presented to me suggested.

So may be, dating isn’t that risky. Just don’t wear your heart on your sleeve, keep that guard up.

:))

 

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The eventful and the uneventful

I have been propagating my uneventful summer so far and saying how blessing it is. I have had quite an eventful life for the past 2 some years and I liked the whole no thinking/no thoughts/nothing to ponder on time I was being blessed with it.

But then, I started mentioning how uneventful my life is, and even if it can get boring some times, I like it. Now, given my past experiences, I know whenever I have said that, some events have come up. It is just the way it has been, and I haven’t learn anything, and I still bring up my uneventful life, and there come the events.

SIGH!!!

So anyways. I have been thinking what really is eventful? Unless something impacts you in some sort of way, it can not really be eventful. I mean, there has not been anything very interesting lately apart from this one crazy girl’s night out I did with my girls of course. But I feel life is eventful right now, at least at this very moment. I don’t know if I should be complaining, but I don’t know if I would be able to take any more of these events. I suck at events when they don’t go my way. I don’t like anticipation and doubts. I do very badly with them. VERY VERY badly, especially when I have no work or school to occupy myself. So now I am wondering what do I want??

(That was an unusually long paragraph)

The eventful or the uneventful? I can do with a little bit of events, but if they get out of my hands, I know I’ll pray and wish for none.

SIGH!!!

I think too much. Can’t blame me right now, I have all the time in the world.

Oh well, College is so over

Given I have nothing to do, I should be writing more, or blogging more. But since I have nothing to do, I realized, blogging only happens when in fact, you have something to do.

Nothing to do equates to meeting less people, doing nothing new, spending most time in your room which in fact doesn’t give you any sort of inspiration  or material to write about.

I have been an ardent blogger for a while now, almost 2 years. This is an addiction for me, I have to write and when I don’t for a while, I feel like I need to do it. I start missing just scribbling a post down (while enjoying the fact that my mind is at peace) and invariably come up with something to say, even if a lot of times it’s pointless and confusing.

Anyhoo, college is so OVER.

In the past week or so I have managed to work on few on campus events and help out with new student orientation for incoming freshmen, that’s when I truly realized I don’t belong there. It feels different for some reason, knowing that kids who were probably in seventh grade when I started college are starting college now. It makes me more ready to start work and feel young , instead of feeling super old in college.

I have 72 more days of nothingness right now and all I want is them to fly by. It hasn’t been bad so far, but I know, sooner or later, I’ll get frustrated.

Sigh!

P.S: I am officially a H1-B holder now, in other words, I can work without worrying about my VISA. God bless America!!

Revelation

Ok, so here is the thing. How many movies can you watch before you don’t know want to watch anymore?

I don’t have the answer yet. But I am almost around 50 so far and I can still watch more. I watch 2 back to back at times, and then read later, and fall asleep while doing that. Some say, that’s some awesome life, I say it’s a life which is making me so lazy that when I can’t do that anymore, I may just have withdrawal issues.

When I go out, hang with people, chill with friends, I start missing my books/iPad/Computer, because I feel like reading/information gathering/watching a movie. Is that weird? Or am I just getting too used to being locked in my room and indulging myself in this so called art of information/fiction or just enjoying some quiet time??

I don’t know.

One of my friends and I had this conversation the other day:

She: I think you have become less social

Me: I have?

She: Yeah.. I don’t see you as much anymore

Me: You don’t?

She: Hmmm…

In no way was I trying to suggest that I don’t care about seeing here, because I do. But the fact that not seeing people as often does not cross my mind that much is weird. It is weird.

I think by the time October comes I’ll get too used to doing nothing.

Sigh!

What to doooooo

I think I figured it out

Let me confess this, first time ever, having nothing to do is not as bad if you can learn to appreciate reading and try and learn new things. Both of which, do not require a lot of money, just interest and devotion.

May be this is too early to say that, given it’s only almost mid-July and I have a lot of more time to cover, but I have a feeling, and hopefully my feeling is not all that wrong, it’s going to be fine if I stop crying about what’s gone and start focusing on the freedom I have to learn anything.

I was a decent reader back in high school, college was just a major downhill after that. I read probably 4 books in 5 years, and spent half of college working and other half wondering about the “WHY” in my life.

I have read a lot over the past few weeks, and all this reading has given me a weird understanding about how calmness comes by being by yourself and not always surrounding yourself with people. I don’t know if I am explaining things right, but when I read I can live in this parallel world of the story and understand so many emotions, evaluating my own at the same time, and realizing there is so much more to come.

Makes sense?

There is one life. A short one that too. I am grateful to God for a blessed one. I have so many people who love me, and so many people I care about deeply. That is more than what most people would get I think, I don’t know why I fret so much. I mean, there will be bumps, but hey, what’s a ride without speed breakers?

So that’s my thought of the day, and hopefully the times to come :)

Rome

I am pretty sure I have written about the fact that I desperately want to go live in Rome for a while, but right now I am in a mood to dwell in on that a little more.

I visited Rome in October 2008 with a couple of fellow exchange students. Prior to visiting Italy, everyone had been talking about how amazing visiting Venice or Florence would be, no one mentioned Rome, so I did not have many expectations.

Now, almost 2 years alter, if there is one city I want to go back to, it’s Rome. That city did something to me. The streets, the museums, the churches, the mini scooters, the people, the fashion, everything is so attractive to me. I am not a loner at all, but if today someone gave me $1000 just cuz, I would buy a ticket to Rome and just go couch surf there.

I don’t want to go there and party, I just want to see every church, sit next to every fountain, window shop, sit in St. Peters square and most of all meet some random new interesting Italian people.

I am on a three month vacation, and this would have been the best time to do all that. I even saved my “Guide to Rome” that a bought 2 years ago for 5 Euros, and just hopped on one bus or the other with the help of the bus and tram schedule I had. And now while reading “Eat, pray and Love”  by Elizabeth Gilbert, my desire to see Rome has increased by leaps and bounds. I was once, not a traveler at all, and now all I want to do is travel.

I wish I had the money to do all this. I know how to travel cheap. I don’t care about company, I know I am self-sufficient, all I need is some MAGIC to make it happen. Some thing that lets me go to a city, I really want to go to.

 

The genuine ones in the bachelorette

As much as I believe the whole “Bachelor” and the “Bachelorette” series are full of pointless drama, I love them.

I have to say, I never liked the Jake season much. I never liked the guy, even when he was on Jillian’s season. The whole crying and calling out Wes because what mattered was “Jillian” for some reason just made him look very fake to me. No matter what you say about true love people, crying for a girl you met few weeks ago is a little too much to believe.

That said, as much as I disliked Jake, I loved Ali. She always seemed genuine and level headed. I love this season of the bachelorette and have not really doubted either of her picks do far apart from Frank.

Justin aka Rated R was doomed to rejection since day one. Any one who follows this show would know that if you are hated so much in the house, there is something wrong with you for sure. Jake picked Vienna, broke up with her, just proved how much of a fame whore he was, and how well planned this all seemed, given everyone hated Vienna.

Coming back to Frank. His introduction video was super lame. He was in love with her even before he came on to the show. His over jealousy issues, the way he spoke to the other guys in the house, his subtlety which was some times weary, everything put me off. The previews of the next episode suggest his departure, so I am assuming I was always right about that.

But every body else, all the other men who made it to the top seem pretty genuine. Their conversations with Ali. Their dates. Their relationship with each other, I have never personally seen it like this before this season. I know some people hate this season, but I just love it.

Roberto is my favorite since day one. The first day he walked in and got first impression rose was very well deserved. He just stood out. I don’t know how a man so hot, can be so humble.

Kirk, I don’t mind. He seems genuinely interested in the woman and reads her well. Every time he just manages to speak her mind. And he is candy to the eyes as well.

Ty, I think he should have been saved. Frank was suppose to leave, god knows what the hell is he doing here. What does Ali see in him. Ty’s southern mannerisms and accent on top of the hunky looks, are all to die for.

Chris L., totally a mamma’s boy. I would be sad if he wins on top of Roberto, but definitely not as sad as I was during Jillian and Ed. The man has honesty, at least it seems so. Nothing skeptical about him.

All in all, I love this season.Only if the rumors that she is still single are just rumors and she picks Roberto, I’ll love it even more.