Looks and talks do matter

I am not trying to be shallow here. Honestly I am not. But the truth of the matter is, it is very important to be pleasing to someone’s eyes. Beauty is very perceptive, but you still have to work on it.

Some people are blessed with glass shattering looks while others have to work on it. I think no matter what face you were born with, if you try and if you pay attention to yourself, you can be pleasing to someone or the other.

It’s not even about looking good for others, its about looking in the mirror and saying, “ok I am something.” Everything starts with the way you look. People approach you, listen to you, take you seriously, treat you as a joke with the way you look and then the way you talk.

(Yup, talk talks, important!!!!)

I took a communication class and my professor introduced to something called the “cute syndrome.” When people look pretty (not hot) and they talk in front of an audience, people will probably not take them seriously unless they work on their tone. Because they look cute. And cute is not taken seriously. So being pretty does not do the deal, not always.

On the other hand if you are in a room full of opposite sex, you need to look hot. Not revealing hot. But just hot. That will immediately give you their attention. And then you talk. Talk business. And talk about what you have to say. Please the eyes and then please the thoughts.

When you go out meet people and you are 30 pounds over weight you know your chances go down of being approached. No I am not being shallow.

( I have been overweight, I still am, so trust me I know what it is).

It is just human nature, even if you are the best talker, you need to please the eyes first. You know you will not approach someone who is not pleasing to your eyes, so why do you think its wrong if you are not being approached?

Once again you can be hottest girl/boy in the room, but what you say and how you say it and can just break or make the deal for you. How many times have you thought, “He/She is so hot, but I wish they didn’t open their mouth.” I am guessing about a dozen times.

(For me its more like 100 times… talks matter a lot to me.. sigh)

All in all its the walk and talk that matters. Always and pretty much always. The two can be balanced. And the best part is you can work on both of these. We are not god sent with perfection, but we can try to work on both.

(I think I need to work on my endings…. well the point has been conveyed)

 

Happy Thanksgiving!

Right now I am sitting in one of the residential dorms on campus at the front desk. It is thanksgiving. The dorms are empty. Everyone is home except a few people who are staying back.

There is this calmness all around. The air outside is chilly but not freezing. The campus is a little dead but not completely barren. I can hear ever car’s engine that crosses the road outside.

I tried to do some home work. I have been here since five hours but I could not get myself to do it. I watched a romantic comedy. I am listening to to mellow music. I am sipping on ice tea and eating some potato chips from a seven eleven on campus.

I am sitting here and just in a weird away enjoying the peace (so not me) and the serene weather outside. I see people passing by through the glass window because they chose to stay back as well.

In the midst of all this I am thankful for everything. For the calm right now, for the life I have had, for the life I will have. For the people I have met, for the friends I have made, for the friends I will go to because the night is still young and they are waiting for me to come home to them.

In the midst of all this I am thankful for sitting here and enjoying it.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

The spark

How many times have you heard the sentence, “There just wasn’t any spark.” I am guessing at least a few dozen times from someone or the other.

No one can really define “the spark,” but it does exist. In some ways or the other, it just does. You’ll know when there is spark, and you will when there isn't any. You can meet the nicest, most attractive person, and you can try to be more than just friends with the person, but sometimes there is this one thing missing. This one thing that makes you smile when you think about the person, or be passionate about them. You can wonder however much you want. But the spark comes naturally.

As you grow older, it gets harder to find it. Brains function better and they try to force you into a sparkles relationship. You know who you should be with, but you don’t know whether you should be with the one you want to be with.

(I am so not old in absolute terms but even I feel this)

I think sparks can happen instantly. You can just spend 2 minutes with a person and you’ll know it. You’ll smile a lot, you’ll want to know more about them, you know with one touch you can have shivers going through your spine. You’ll know it.

(Obviously you can realize later that person is the biggest douche in the planet)

But sparks happen. And they are just beautiful. For someone like me, it is hard to find. I don’t get those anymore. I used to, but I can’t even remember when was the last time………

The art of forgiveness

Forgiveness is an art. It does not come naturally to one. You need to truly believe that you have let go of whatever that happened and forgiven the person. It is a process. And it is gradual.

It is said forgiveness frees you. It gives you that peace of mind. It lets you move on and most importantly it lets you face. But it is hard. It requires effort and sometimes it is your only option.

I don’t even know if I am a forgiving kind of a person. I cut people a lot of slack, because honestly as humans we are made to mess up. We will hurt people, we will be selfish, we will lie and we will hide. We will do it. But the question is how much of it can we control. And how much of it does not affect someone else.

I mess up. I become insensitive sometimes. I sometimes can’t stand emotional outburst (especially from men) and I ummm……. am selfish too sometimes. So if I can do it so can others and they deserved to cut that slack.

But then there is this other side where sometimes people need to be forgiven. Because what they did affected someone. What they did changed things. What they did was not just a simple lie or something like buying popcorn instead you soda because that’s what they wanted or not listening when you were crying or not caring sometimes. It was just something that you need to forgive in order to be yourself again. Just to go back to that world which seemed normal.

So forgiveness is an art. I can look at someone and smile. I can not even be angry. I can not even hurt. But that forgiveness does take its time. May be it needs to be earned. But I don't know how many people want to work on that.

(I mean I don't know if I would put a lot of time and effort in it)

Forgetting seems so much easier. Forgiveness takes too much time.

(How much I talk about time… sigh)

The concept of dating

“Dating” is the term used when two people are courting and trying to know each other. It is more like a no stress phase where people figure out things about each other. What they like, what they don’t like, whether they even want to give each other a shot.

You can date anyone. You can blind date. You absolutely don’t have to know anything about each other. That is what dating is for. And it works. For most people it just works. They date, they know, they get in a relationship.

For me that just does not work. I have tried going on dates, but never made it to a second one. I need to know the person very well even before thinking of getting into a relationship. I get the concept of dating on paper, but for some reason in practice it is a failure for me.

(Wait there is a twist to this)

All this means that I can only fall for someone who is a friend and that is once more the biggest no no for me. Being with a friend in a relationship has the worst break ups in the history of mankind (obviously this does not have to be the universal truth, but it is mine). You lose the guy both as a friend and as someone with whom you shared something special.

Boooom.. and its all gone..

So that leaves me with the question what should I do? Right now its not a problem, because I am not really thinking about anything like this with anyone, but one day may be it will be.

Some say if you are already friends with a person, falling in love with them is the best thing ever. The comfort level is majestic. It is just what you need. I agree. All this I agree to. But what when it ends for whatever reason, your best friend just leaves hurting you. Then what?

Sigh!

What I am trying to say is that I can’t date because I know I will not fall for the guy if I don’t know anything about him. It has to happen naturally you see. And if it happens naturally after some months, may be 6 or even a year then oh well, he is a friend. And I am scared of losing any more of those.

Sigh!

(Yes I sigh a lot when I am confused)

Basically the question is to whether to take chances or not. Dating randomly doesn’t work, so whether to take a chance with a friend, if ever!

The answer still unknown!

When you close your eyes

Every once in a while you want to just stop whatever you are doing and think for a while. You need to close your eyes and just take a deep breath and gather those thoughts. Just go back in time a little. Just breathe.

The world moves too fast for an average person. Before you know it the childhood is over. It’s time to be mature and responsible. And you run looking for happiness, run to make a living, run to keep up with the world.

But then in all this craze there are those moments when you close your eyes and reach a different place. Your happy place. The place, the person that made you happy or makes you happy. So many thoughts. So many things to do. But just close you eyes. And stay still.

There is this song I listen to every now and then. It instantly works on me. It has a sad tone to it, but it takes me back to some happy days. It just works. I close my eyes and I see everything. Every moment. It just works.

The song just means that without those moments everything seems to have a lesser impact. The rains seems drier. The light seems dimmer. The breeze is not that breezy. And there are just not that many wishes anymore.

So some memories still stay. They still work. They still make me happy.

Gossip Column

I have never seen Gossip Girl but so many people have told me that my blog reminds them of that. I don’t know why or how, but that’s what I have heard. I write like Carrie (Sarah Jessica Parker) did in  Sex and the City, or someone does in Gossip Girl, but I never even realized that.

I was never inspired by either of those to write the way I write, though I know I loved the way Carrie wrote in Sex and the City. Some call it very “girly,” but that is what I am. So if I write like that, then I guess so be it.

I am big chick flick fan, I love watching drama (I do not like it in my very own life), I love seeing unrealistic love stories, I love every sentence they say in Grey’s Anatomy or Ugly Betty or One Tree Hill. It somehow makes sense to me (ok.. not every time), and someway along the line may be I do get inspired to write the way I write (although I never even realized I was getting inspired).

Some people laugh, and call my blog a gossip column. Some think, I make sense. Some think, it’s a piece of crap, but then I can’t please all… Can I?

I don’t write for anyone. I write for myself. I don’t sell this. I believe in it. As time progresses, I may experience some of what I have written, most of it is situational. I don’t ask anyone to believe in it because honestly I am 22 years old, I have not seen everything in the world, I just have learned from whatever little I have seen, heard, experienced.

Love me, hate me, envy me, dislike me or just like me. This is what it is. It was not meant to be a typical gossip column, but if it is and you think it is what Carrie said in Sex and the city, then that’s a compliment.

Once again I am no writer, I am just a blogger.

(And in know what this is angry post, I don’t get angry on my blog, I am just stating a point :) )

Waiting

“Wait” in itself is a concept. There is so much invested in it. There is so much people would do to not wait for anything.

We are so used to waiting for everything in out life. We are asked to be patient and wait. Wait for those exam results on which our college admission depends, wait for that summer when we have an amazing vacation planned, or even wait for that bus that is always late and makes us reach work late.

We have waited at every step. We know we’ll reach where we want to, all we have to do is wait. It is a virtue.

Then there is a wait that may never end. You wait, and you don’t even know you are waiting. You don’t question anything or anyone. You just wait. You know it probably will never end, or one day you’ll just stop waiting but still, you wait.

And when you wait like that there is so much at stake. Yet you don’t see it. It comes so naturally to you. This wait. This patience. No expectations. No rules. Nothing. Just wait.

So if you chose to wait the next time, or whenever you realize that you are waiting, stop, think for a while, and see what are you losing…just know may be right now is the time to stop waiting

It really does work out

I have a feeling that eventually, it really does work out. No matter what you wanted, how life is going, how much things are becoming impossible, in the end (whenever that is), it all makes sense.

Over the past few years, I have realized I can cry about anything and everything, but sooner or later I become content, and even better; happy with it.

There was a time when I was overly upset about not getting into the school of my choice, and came to Drexel. And now I am so glad that happened. I will not change that experience for anything. Ask me if I would rather attend a different school, I will say, “Hell!!! No!!!".”

Then there was a time I was upset about not being able to have the best room mate in my freshmen year and literally thought my freshmen year was going ridiculous. Ask me now I will say, “Nothing beats the fun I had in freshmen year.”

And there are so many more things I was upset about. Like that boy who never liked me back, like that job I did not get, like that event I missed. But honestly it all worked out. I am not a major optimist, but somehow I know it all does work out.

(No, I am not saying mess up and then say.. ehhhh.. it will work out)

And yes may be I am being very wise these days passing on my wisdom, but all this is just what I always believed in, and I think may be everyone should.

P.S: Life rocks, no matter what happens :)

Make a wish

When we are growing up, we are asked to make wishes. When we see a star, we make a wish, when we see a fountain, we throw a coin and we make a wish, when we stand in front of god in a temple, church or mosque, we make a wish.

We grow up and somewhere in the whole process we forget to do that. We stop wishing with heart, because we are asked to work towards achieving everything. Things don’t happen with wishes then, they happen when you work for them.

What if you can’t work for them? What if it is not about hard work, but it is about what you truly want. I say then, just make a wish. Be a kid again. Look up in the sky, and ask for that one thing you really want. You never know, may be that day God is listening.

Make a wish with all your heart, because wishes do come true. In the fight for life, we forget all the small things that made us what we are. We forget to appreciate the stars and the moon. We forget that they got us our first bike, first dress or even first date.

Believe in them, and just a make a wish. Who knows may be one day it comes true.

New design.. new thoughts

I consider myself an official blogger now.

Not because I have been writing since more than a year, but because I still feel like doing it every now and then. (More like everyday)

So here is to a new name, new design, even a new url.

My life is now GIRL TALK.

Because more or less, that is what it has been.

The unhelpful comparison

You go through good relationships. You go through bad relationships. Some end mutually. Some end with you being hurt. Some end with the other person being hurt. Sometimes you don’t want it to be over. Sometime you know its over even before it over.

In all the above cases if there was love involved and you spent a good amount of time with the person, you are pretty much scarred for a while. In a way you did not even see coming.

You try to move on, and when you do you go from one person to other trying to feel something for them. But sigh, does not happen. There is always this one thing you can complain about.

And that my friend is the ‘comparison’ syndrome. You compare everything with you had and you loved. You want him to use the same sense of humor, you want him to be equally expressive (high or low), you want him to understand you as much, you want him to be just like what you had, and the worst part of it all, you didn’t even know it.

And this new person gets trapped in your comparison issues. You can never replace what you had with someone when it was true, you can never find the same qualities, because you are here to build new relationships and meet new personalities. And some feelings are just not replaceable.

But then this syndrome, this unhelpful comparison is so instilled that you just can’t help it. And you look and look and look some more till those memories fade away. And sometimes that does not happen too fast, time takes too much time.

4 years in school and no I am not done yet

19th September 2005. That’s when I landed in Philadelphia. I was 18 years old, and I had no plans. I did not know what college was all about. All I knew was I wanted to be here, even without having any knowledge about the city. I just wanted to be here.

It has been 4 years since I came here. And no I am not done yet. It is home. It is where I belong now. It is the city which made me who I am.

People have mixed emotions about college life. Some want to get out of it ASAP. Some want to stay for a while. And some don’t even want to think about the life after. It seems scary. It seems unreal.

I fall in the last category. I love college. I love the fact that I can do everything, yet have time to myself. I can make some money, enough for my needs, and still dream big. 4 years seem like a journey of a lifetime, they are so close to my heart, that this last year seems like its running away too fast.

Fall term is almost over, and then I’ll have 6 months before I graduate. I need more time to process all this. I need more time to find a place in the world outside. I need more time to lead a life in the corporate world.

There will be money, and there will be security. But I don’t think I want to grow up that fast. Not yet. I want to wait just a little bit longer. I want to still do some crazy stuff. I still want to be stupid. I still want to be college young.

I miss Mannheim

I started writing (oops I mean blogging) because I wanted to capture my study abroad experience. Last year at this very moment, I was in Mannheim, and I never thought I would miss it this much.
I was just reading some posts I wrote almost a year ago, “Home here, Home there” and "Its over... Sept 3, 2008 -- Dec 24, 2008," and  it made me regret missing out on what all I could have done there. I was so attached to Philly, that I never really let go of it, and kept on whining about how much I wanted to come back.
I am back. I have been back. But weirdly, I want to go back there now. Live with the same people. Have the same experience. And do things differently. Travel more. Stay away from my computer more. Laugh more. Live more.
I can not take time back, and I can not change the things that happened. Everything I am today, and I mean everything, is because of that experience. It did so much to me. Taught me so much.
But I missed out. And I shouldn’t have.
All in all. I miss Mannheim. I miss Aga. I miss Asia. I miss Adeel (and his food). I miss Rob. I miss Maciek. I miss Marie-Claire. I miss Sebastian’s cooking. I miss Anna and Anna trying to talk to me in English. I miss working with Mamadi and Alex. I miss running into Ronny, Jibbie and Dallas once in a while. I miss the Doners. I miss everything.

People who keep me sane

I have said more than enough about my summer. It was amazing. It was stress free. It was just what I needed.

I found relief in people who I never hung out with before. I made my own little friend circle. It increased in fall. I spend all my time with them. I chill with them. There is never any emotional stress. And beyond everything they keep me sane.

I always had five friends in Drexel. Five people who always meant everything. They were the only people hung out with. They were my family. They gave me a home away from home. TAGAP in short. That’s what I can call them.

But everything is different now. The family has disintegrated (at least for me) and I can’t get over that ever. It took me a long time to build that. And to build something like that with other people will take even longer. And I dont have that much time.

So these people who keep me sane these days are those who take me away from the loss of this family. They don’t let me think about it much. They make me smile, they crack stupid jokes, they are fun, in short they keep me occupied.

And none of them had to do that. They just came from somewhere and made me not think. I can not replace what I had with anything, but I am so thankful to these people for doing nothing but yet keeping me sane.

I have been keeping friendship at a pedestal, and those you were on it, will always be close to my heart. I don’t think anyone else will reach there, but those 5 always will stay there. No matter whether I see them tomorrow or not.

But this is for the people who keep me sane, and do not let me think about the family that I miss. Thank you guys. You make life better. Really better.

For some reason I can only think of this song…

Happy Together

Banned Territories

There are some places you can not go to. Not because someone will kick you out of those places, but because you know you can not afford to re visit them. They can be something as simple as a corner of street or as big as a city. You just can not make yourself go there because they just swipe you off your feat and make you time travel.

Time travel. Time travel to the past which is not always pleasant or may be just too good to think of because it does not exist anymore.

I call them ‘Banned Territories.’

(I have one. I never like to go there. )

Sometimes you underestimate the power those places have. You go there to test yourself , and see how it feels. Whether they still empower your mind and soul. Whether you can still go back in time.

And so you go there anyway.

Sometimes it is relief. It is sense of freedom. You go there and you will feel nothing. That time does not travel anymore. And you know its ok. That territory is not banned anymore.

And then sometimes it is a shock. You go there, and you see everything. You still smell the same air. But you can’t smell yourself anywhere, and you wonder what happened. You see the articles have been shifted but some things are the same, only you can’t touch them anymore. You look around, and notice all the changes. You look around and suddenly it hits you, this is where you were happy. This is where you wanted to be. And this is where you’ll never be…

Time travels. And you see yourself sitting right there in your happy place. And all that happens in mere span of 15 minutes.

15 minutes and you know why you should not have been there…..

May be you should wait longer before going there again. May be you can never go there. May be some places always fall under ‘Banned territories.’

Happy Birthday Shahrukh

ok so people who know me know Shahrukh. He is the Indian superstar, and I make sure that all my friends know him (I don’t do it intentionally, his name is taken way too often by me..lol)..

So whether you are America, Polish, German, French, Russian or anyone. If you are my friend. You know who Shahrukh Khan is, and I am a die hard fan.

Today he turns 44, and I believe (no matter what the haters have to say), he looks nothing like it. I grew up watching him romance pretty actresses. He showed me the beautiful side of love. His own real love story is inspirational. He married his childhood sweetheart and stood by, and I know for fact, will always stand by.

Three of his movies did it for me, and after that there was no looking back. Raj or Rahul, all I saw was love. He personified the magic. His charisma made me dream, and his smile is what makes me smile, even when everything else makes no sense..

First comes DDLJ, when it really hit me how magical love can be. This movie is a lover’s dream, and no matter whether you love SRK or hate SRK, you love DDLJ. We all grew up with DDLJ. We learned to sing, “Tujhe dekha toh ye jaana sanam, pyaar hota hai deewana sanam..” It was all about falling in love and fighting for love. He created that magic, and that is when I know, I was in love with Raj…

Then Dil to Pagal Hai… I hummed, “Bholi si surat, aankhon main masti .. dur khadi sharmaye..” Rahul, thats when I fell in love with Rahul. Rahul, a little someone like Raj re created that magic. Love happens when least expected. And again SRK showed how. Some people say its the characters he plays, and I say its the love he emotes through those characters. May be he made me a hopeless romantic.. but hey.. I have nothing to lose.. do I?

 

 

Then it was Kuch Kuch Hota Hai. Love is friendship. If you can’t be best friends with the person, you can never truly love them.. sigh! (I took that one too seriously).. but Rahul did it yet again. He laughed, he sang, he danced and loved like crazy.. “tum paas aaye, yun muskuraye, tum ne najaane kya sapne dikhaye..”

Sigh! Just like DDLJ I could never get over this movie…

 

 

So today I want to wish you a very very happy birthday Shahrukh. Hope you have many more of these, and you succeed and everything you do ever. You make me happy, even though I have never met you, and at the end of the day that’s what matters.

How much time people spend on thinking/whining/crying/ pursuing LOVE

A very good friend of mine just spoke about the phenomena LOVE. Her post An Ode, In Prose is a perfect way of putting out there how much time people spend on LOVE.

I myself am a huge fan of discussing human relationships (no guesses here), and write a lot about how they impact my day to day life. Thinking so much about it was the reason that took me to blogging. Its been a year since I started writing, and I have literally spent everyday on this blog.

I am in no ways a writer. I am a blogger. And I blog about LOVE, LIFE and everything that matters to me. The idea of LOVE is so intriguing I think, that people spend insane amounts of thought process on it.

Some people want to get out of it, some people want to fall in its trap, some people run away from it, and some people live for it. In the end its all about LOVE. And no one really make sense of it. Not much at least.

So what my friend write is An Ode, In Prose is so true. And she writes it beautifully.

(Just click on the name of the post to read it)

All we knew was how to be friends

College teaches you a lot about relationships. Friendships especially.

I had a friend. And we did share something special. We could talk for long (more like I talked), but it was nice. It was something I did not have with many people. All we knew was how to be friends… nothing more.. nothing less…

I think he grew out of it. He doesn’t need that friendship. He does not miss it. He has enough to keep him happy. He is not even the same guy anymore…I don’t think I even know him anymore…

But i miss his friendship. And all that we spoke about. The random lunches. Those random talks. Those bitching sessions about people. I miss all that…

Some people move on from things way faster than others. And unfortunately I fall under the former category..

College teaches you a lot indeed. It teaches you to live with so many people and yet not be friends with all of them. It makes you spend all the time in the world with them, and yet not care about them.

And as I read this, I hear these lines playing….

There is nothing I can do, there are no good words left anyway, people are cruel, and the world still  moves without you

you don't have to call me, you can leave when you want to…there is a picture by my bed, and I dont know if you ever feel alone…