Why we do what we do

There are so many things that we do (or may be just me ), that we know we should not be doing.

We still do them. Why? What drives us to a path which is not going to lead us anywhere eventually.

I think its all because we all love to take the easy route to things, even though we know in the long run we will regret it. Being strong and doing the right thing is one of the hardest things to do, not many people I know are capable of doing that.

I thought I would always do the right thing, when I was younger (not that I am very old now), but things have changed. I take the easier paths myself. And no, I realize that I should not have later, much later, as much later when it is actually too late, but may be in the future I will do what I always believed in, taking the right paths.

When we fall in love, we want the person to love us (duh!), and sometimes we start believing that he or she might actually love you, and then we tend to do anything and everything to believe that. And that's where the problem starts. That's where you take the wrong paths, that's where the real test lies. And I think most of us fail it, because we want to believe what does not exist.

I think I am lucky enough to not get entangled in that at least. I have been fortunate to not believe a guy actually loves me even if I am in love with him or like him. Some how they always make it clear that they dont, and the so called signals dont seem to be mixed (except once, but oh well, I was actually saved by the circumstances). 

I do a lot of things because my heart tells me to do them, and I think my heart in general is right (woohooo..), but sometimes I think I should let the brain talk because it generally better sometimes, and I think I will get there.. sooner or later :)

The first time I actually fell in love or I thought that I was in love (I was 14,...lol).. I thought I could never ever do that again. But then obviously I grew up, and I realized that is not true. 

But now I feel like I am 14 again, feeling like I can not fall in love again. College has shown me so much complications and tensions within relationships, people cheating on people, one sided love, flings, hurt and so much more, I feel like I can never do it again.

May be I'll grow up (hopefully), and that would change, but its sad that I feel that way. I used to be that girl who believed that love is the most beautiful thing, but after what I have seen, I dont even know whether love exists. Whether it gets reciprocated, or whether its pure enough. I just dont know anymore.

For right now, I dont wanna be in love, I just wanna know why I do, what I do, and then not do it, if the why is the easier path.