I always thought there is a threshold to everything. After a while, when you are done taking a lot of crap, you are just done. You are done with giving more chances, believing it will work out, believing anything will ever change.
But right now I am wondering where my threshold is. I am wondering when do I get done with feeling like this time it will be different. I have always known people don’t change, situations change, but I tend to forget.
I have definitely become less spontaneous. I have more control over my emotions. I don’t lash out as easily. So even if I am waiting for the threshold to be reached, I can be in control. I think I have lost faith in talking things out all the time. Sometimes talking doesn’t work, what works is space and time (I tell you it’s the best), they solve a lot of issues. They create differences sometimes, but sometimes they give you an opportunity to be rational and evaluate what you have to lose and what to gain.
This time, where I am right now, I have nothing to lose, but I have something to lose at the same time. Something I have lost and have no intentions of regaining, and something I thought I could lose but the surprise that I got today is making me feel like it would be harder than I thought.
Right now I feel like I overvalued myself and undervalued something at the same time, and it’s making me face uncertainties. It’s so much easier to let go of someone when they mess up then doing it because you know it’s good for them and more over better for you.
If I had lower thresholds, I would let go much faster and not bother so much. I need to learn to stop before I get surprised, and then may be disappointed again.
Side Note: Phewww…. 8 days into June and now I start talking. That is rare for me….
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