So I have established I do very well under pressure and deadlines and I suck when I don't have deadlines.
Anyways that is not what I want to talk about, but rather some other things I have established.
I don't have faith in people when it comes to believing they'll be there in times of sadness and need. This has been established based on certain incidents in the past some weeks. As it appears, I am not that chill either with uncertainty and anticipation, I freak out and want to run away.
The point here is, I know all these things about myself, and there is absolutely nothing I can do to fix it while not spoiling my relationships with people. The only fix in my head is to say 'bye-bye it was nice knowing you.'
It's amazing how I lose my sleep and food over things that are mostly the creation of my mind, sometimes instigated by minor events or few upsetting comments. And even worse is, I repeat, I can control it with most people, because I try not to be attached, but with some people, the ones I am attached to but not completely well versed to their personality, I have PhD in freaking out.
Sigh!
(This is my emotional outburst after maintaining a sane silence on heart filling information)
I sometimes really wonder is it just me, or the woman kind is like that in general. I would like to believe it is not just me and we are one of a kind, but when I am freaking out, every other woman seems so sane, that I sometimes doubt my capability to rationalize in instant situations.
(Not that you all want to understand the ***k out of me)
One thing I would like to add though, all this freaking out usually lasts for a few hours, may be a day, and once I am done freaking out, all I do is wonder why the hell was I freaking out in the first place.
Go figure!
It's almost like I have two parts to the sane part of my brain (Makes sense?)
I think I function best without attachments of sorts, but good friendships of sorts (This definitely doesn't make sense to you, I am very sure of that)
Anyhoo... today apart from all the meaningless conversation I just had with the internet up there, has been a very good day (I know it's not over it). Being recognized at work, makes my life go high-five itself. I wish I had way more of these awesome days. But then I think they only come after a couple of 14 hours days... had one of those yesterday.
Which really brings me to hopefully my last point, sleep after being exhausted at work, is the best sleep ever made bymankind God. I slept for barely 5 hours but the best 5 hours.
:D
So yeah basically I wonder how to not freak out.
P.S: I know I have typos all the time, but I am too impatient to double check. Can't lose that flow yo.
Anyways that is not what I want to talk about, but rather some other things I have established.
I don't have faith in people when it comes to believing they'll be there in times of sadness and need. This has been established based on certain incidents in the past some weeks. As it appears, I am not that chill either with uncertainty and anticipation, I freak out and want to run away.
The point here is, I know all these things about myself, and there is absolutely nothing I can do to fix it while not spoiling my relationships with people. The only fix in my head is to say 'bye-bye it was nice knowing you.'
It's amazing how I lose my sleep and food over things that are mostly the creation of my mind, sometimes instigated by minor events or few upsetting comments. And even worse is, I repeat, I can control it with most people, because I try not to be attached, but with some people, the ones I am attached to but not completely well versed to their personality, I have PhD in freaking out.
Sigh!
(This is my emotional outburst after maintaining a sane silence on heart filling information)
I sometimes really wonder is it just me, or the woman kind is like that in general. I would like to believe it is not just me and we are one of a kind, but when I am freaking out, every other woman seems so sane, that I sometimes doubt my capability to rationalize in instant situations.
(Not that you all want to understand the ***k out of me)
One thing I would like to add though, all this freaking out usually lasts for a few hours, may be a day, and once I am done freaking out, all I do is wonder why the hell was I freaking out in the first place.
Go figure!
It's almost like I have two parts to the sane part of my brain (Makes sense?)
I think I function best without attachments of sorts, but good friendships of sorts (This definitely doesn't make sense to you, I am very sure of that)
Anyhoo... today apart from all the meaningless conversation I just had with the internet up there, has been a very good day (I know it's not over it). Being recognized at work, makes my life go high-five itself. I wish I had way more of these awesome days. But then I think they only come after a couple of 14 hours days... had one of those yesterday.
Which really brings me to hopefully my last point, sleep after being exhausted at work, is the best sleep ever made by
:D
So yeah basically I wonder how to not freak out.
P.S: I know I have typos all the time, but I am too impatient to double check. Can't lose that flow yo.
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