4 years in school and no I am not done yet

19th September 2005. That’s when I landed in Philadelphia. I was 18 years old, and I had no plans. I did not know what college was all about. All I knew was I wanted to be here, even without having any knowledge about the city. I just wanted to be here.

It has been 4 years since I came here. And no I am not done yet. It is home. It is where I belong now. It is the city which made me who I am.

People have mixed emotions about college life. Some want to get out of it ASAP. Some want to stay for a while. And some don’t even want to think about the life after. It seems scary. It seems unreal.

I fall in the last category. I love college. I love the fact that I can do everything, yet have time to myself. I can make some money, enough for my needs, and still dream big. 4 years seem like a journey of a lifetime, they are so close to my heart, that this last year seems like its running away too fast.

Fall term is almost over, and then I’ll have 6 months before I graduate. I need more time to process all this. I need more time to find a place in the world outside. I need more time to lead a life in the corporate world.

There will be money, and there will be security. But I don’t think I want to grow up that fast. Not yet. I want to wait just a little bit longer. I want to still do some crazy stuff. I still want to be stupid. I still want to be college young.

I miss Mannheim

I started writing (oops I mean blogging) because I wanted to capture my study abroad experience. Last year at this very moment, I was in Mannheim, and I never thought I would miss it this much.
I was just reading some posts I wrote almost a year ago, “Home here, Home there” and "Its over... Sept 3, 2008 -- Dec 24, 2008," and  it made me regret missing out on what all I could have done there. I was so attached to Philly, that I never really let go of it, and kept on whining about how much I wanted to come back.
I am back. I have been back. But weirdly, I want to go back there now. Live with the same people. Have the same experience. And do things differently. Travel more. Stay away from my computer more. Laugh more. Live more.
I can not take time back, and I can not change the things that happened. Everything I am today, and I mean everything, is because of that experience. It did so much to me. Taught me so much.
But I missed out. And I shouldn’t have.
All in all. I miss Mannheim. I miss Aga. I miss Asia. I miss Adeel (and his food). I miss Rob. I miss Maciek. I miss Marie-Claire. I miss Sebastian’s cooking. I miss Anna and Anna trying to talk to me in English. I miss working with Mamadi and Alex. I miss running into Ronny, Jibbie and Dallas once in a while. I miss the Doners. I miss everything.

People who keep me sane

I have said more than enough about my summer. It was amazing. It was stress free. It was just what I needed.

I found relief in people who I never hung out with before. I made my own little friend circle. It increased in fall. I spend all my time with them. I chill with them. There is never any emotional stress. And beyond everything they keep me sane.

I always had five friends in Drexel. Five people who always meant everything. They were the only people hung out with. They were my family. They gave me a home away from home. TAGAP in short. That’s what I can call them.

But everything is different now. The family has disintegrated (at least for me) and I can’t get over that ever. It took me a long time to build that. And to build something like that with other people will take even longer. And I dont have that much time.

So these people who keep me sane these days are those who take me away from the loss of this family. They don’t let me think about it much. They make me smile, they crack stupid jokes, they are fun, in short they keep me occupied.

And none of them had to do that. They just came from somewhere and made me not think. I can not replace what I had with anything, but I am so thankful to these people for doing nothing but yet keeping me sane.

I have been keeping friendship at a pedestal, and those you were on it, will always be close to my heart. I don’t think anyone else will reach there, but those 5 always will stay there. No matter whether I see them tomorrow or not.

But this is for the people who keep me sane, and do not let me think about the family that I miss. Thank you guys. You make life better. Really better.

For some reason I can only think of this song…

Happy Together

Banned Territories

There are some places you can not go to. Not because someone will kick you out of those places, but because you know you can not afford to re visit them. They can be something as simple as a corner of street or as big as a city. You just can not make yourself go there because they just swipe you off your feat and make you time travel.

Time travel. Time travel to the past which is not always pleasant or may be just too good to think of because it does not exist anymore.

I call them ‘Banned Territories.’

(I have one. I never like to go there. )

Sometimes you underestimate the power those places have. You go there to test yourself , and see how it feels. Whether they still empower your mind and soul. Whether you can still go back in time.

And so you go there anyway.

Sometimes it is relief. It is sense of freedom. You go there and you will feel nothing. That time does not travel anymore. And you know its ok. That territory is not banned anymore.

And then sometimes it is a shock. You go there, and you see everything. You still smell the same air. But you can’t smell yourself anywhere, and you wonder what happened. You see the articles have been shifted but some things are the same, only you can’t touch them anymore. You look around, and notice all the changes. You look around and suddenly it hits you, this is where you were happy. This is where you wanted to be. And this is where you’ll never be…

Time travels. And you see yourself sitting right there in your happy place. And all that happens in mere span of 15 minutes.

15 minutes and you know why you should not have been there…..

May be you should wait longer before going there again. May be you can never go there. May be some places always fall under ‘Banned territories.’

Happy Birthday Shahrukh

ok so people who know me know Shahrukh. He is the Indian superstar, and I make sure that all my friends know him (I don’t do it intentionally, his name is taken way too often by me..lol)..

So whether you are America, Polish, German, French, Russian or anyone. If you are my friend. You know who Shahrukh Khan is, and I am a die hard fan.

Today he turns 44, and I believe (no matter what the haters have to say), he looks nothing like it. I grew up watching him romance pretty actresses. He showed me the beautiful side of love. His own real love story is inspirational. He married his childhood sweetheart and stood by, and I know for fact, will always stand by.

Three of his movies did it for me, and after that there was no looking back. Raj or Rahul, all I saw was love. He personified the magic. His charisma made me dream, and his smile is what makes me smile, even when everything else makes no sense..

First comes DDLJ, when it really hit me how magical love can be. This movie is a lover’s dream, and no matter whether you love SRK or hate SRK, you love DDLJ. We all grew up with DDLJ. We learned to sing, “Tujhe dekha toh ye jaana sanam, pyaar hota hai deewana sanam..” It was all about falling in love and fighting for love. He created that magic, and that is when I know, I was in love with Raj…

Then Dil to Pagal Hai… I hummed, “Bholi si surat, aankhon main masti .. dur khadi sharmaye..” Rahul, thats when I fell in love with Rahul. Rahul, a little someone like Raj re created that magic. Love happens when least expected. And again SRK showed how. Some people say its the characters he plays, and I say its the love he emotes through those characters. May be he made me a hopeless romantic.. but hey.. I have nothing to lose.. do I?

 

 

Then it was Kuch Kuch Hota Hai. Love is friendship. If you can’t be best friends with the person, you can never truly love them.. sigh! (I took that one too seriously).. but Rahul did it yet again. He laughed, he sang, he danced and loved like crazy.. “tum paas aaye, yun muskuraye, tum ne najaane kya sapne dikhaye..”

Sigh! Just like DDLJ I could never get over this movie…

 

 

So today I want to wish you a very very happy birthday Shahrukh. Hope you have many more of these, and you succeed and everything you do ever. You make me happy, even though I have never met you, and at the end of the day that’s what matters.

How much time people spend on thinking/whining/crying/ pursuing LOVE

A very good friend of mine just spoke about the phenomena LOVE. Her post An Ode, In Prose is a perfect way of putting out there how much time people spend on LOVE.

I myself am a huge fan of discussing human relationships (no guesses here), and write a lot about how they impact my day to day life. Thinking so much about it was the reason that took me to blogging. Its been a year since I started writing, and I have literally spent everyday on this blog.

I am in no ways a writer. I am a blogger. And I blog about LOVE, LIFE and everything that matters to me. The idea of LOVE is so intriguing I think, that people spend insane amounts of thought process on it.

Some people want to get out of it, some people want to fall in its trap, some people run away from it, and some people live for it. In the end its all about LOVE. And no one really make sense of it. Not much at least.

So what my friend write is An Ode, In Prose is so true. And she writes it beautifully.

(Just click on the name of the post to read it)

All we knew was how to be friends

College teaches you a lot about relationships. Friendships especially.

I had a friend. And we did share something special. We could talk for long (more like I talked), but it was nice. It was something I did not have with many people. All we knew was how to be friends… nothing more.. nothing less…

I think he grew out of it. He doesn’t need that friendship. He does not miss it. He has enough to keep him happy. He is not even the same guy anymore…I don’t think I even know him anymore…

But i miss his friendship. And all that we spoke about. The random lunches. Those random talks. Those bitching sessions about people. I miss all that…

Some people move on from things way faster than others. And unfortunately I fall under the former category..

College teaches you a lot indeed. It teaches you to live with so many people and yet not be friends with all of them. It makes you spend all the time in the world with them, and yet not care about them.

And as I read this, I hear these lines playing….

There is nothing I can do, there are no good words left anyway, people are cruel, and the world still  moves without you

you don't have to call me, you can leave when you want to…there is a picture by my bed, and I dont know if you ever feel alone…