Scribbling

I think I write too much these days.

Part of the reason is, I have too many thoughts, but I don't have the time to process them (which is a good thing btw).

So here I am, pondering and scribbling again.

Have you ever trusted your belief more than what you see? 

Have people ever mocked you for that? (I think I will believe till either I am proved right or people are)

Have you ever lost a friend (This is a repetition I know, but an important point) ?

These are some other questions I have in mind. I wonder what people do in such situations. Frankly, I had opinions about things, but man .... it's a different ball game all together when it happens to someone close, or to you.

Side Note: Raining too much. I hate it. Simply and totally.

Hormone Issues: (Possible Cause: STRESS)

• I can cry at anything. Just anything. Amazing
• I can get pissed off too easily
• There is no one to rant to about my hormones (That's when you need a boy friend, they generally deal with it..lol)
• I am trying to do too much in one go. Hormones come in my way

Random Story:

I was walking down the street, and as usual I did not pay attention to who is walking around me. And then I get a phone call from my friend..

Friend: Do you think I am a creep

Me: No why?

Friend: Well I was just coming to hug you and say hi.. you avoided me like i am creepster

Me: Wait what? When?

Friend: Ten minutes ago.. when you were walking down the street

Me: Sigh

I think I am way too stressed. But its ok...SIGH! 

Swinging

I thought I couldn't really hate

But OMGG.. I can.. may be its short term... but its so there

Or just hormonal.. I dunno (highly possible.. my hormones work like no other)

But I really hate right now.. 

On a side note.... spring is not coming back anytime soon :(

Not the one without rains at least

What is cheating?

People stress so much on cheating on your partner when you actually go ahead and sleep with someone else or maintain any kind of physical relations with them. A lot of times when people do that, they might not even feel for the other person, and just get pleasure out of the physical intimacy.

But what about emotional cheating? Is that not bad as well? Is it not worse to fall for someone else while you are with someone, no matter whether you do something with them or not?

For me personally, emotional cheating is equally bad. I can never stand someone I love liking/loving someone else. That just marks the end of my commitment towards them. If the man I love can like someone else while he is with me, then definitely, there can never ever be a come back from that, and I can not accept it in any way.

Honestly, I can be there for him no matter what he does to me if I trust him and have faith in what we have, but the moment there is someone else. I am just simply done. It's like an eye opener, it's like a call to my self-respect, it's iterating that I am just not good enough.

(omg! self-realizations)

I give way too much of myself to the men I love, and I think they start thinking I need them, and I am dependent. What they don't get is, that's just the way I am, and if I can fall so hard, I can fall out when I really want to, even if I have to cry my eyes out every night. I am emotional, but I am strong enough to let it go when I clearly know there is someone else in the picture (the biggest no no in the books for me).

And I dont know what's wrong with boys. Most of them just say they want to be friends after the break up, just because they want to be guilt free, even though after begging to stay friends, they do not really care much.

Boysss.. if you have a different girl, then there is absolutely no need to stay friends. Trust me. You wont miss anything, you chose that, so don't make guilt talks for god's sake. Go on, and let your ex go on.

(I am no relationship expert btw!!)

Man... I think I have been single way too long to advice on relationships, but you know, where I live freedom of speech works :D

(Even if what I say sounds crappy)

BTW.. Spring is being weird. No sun since 2 days :(

There goes my mood... sigh

Spring

I think there is something about the weather that drives your mood.

I come from a place where the phenomena "Spring" does not exist. There should be a springy weather, but never happens. Its always hot (more or less).

And then there is the weather here, in this part of the world, where you get to see all the four seasons. Its amazing. Especially when after a long painful boring winter, the sun shines bright and the days are longer, and the air is soothing, it just does something to your mood. It makes you happy :)

I have always had very busy, but the same time very contenting springs here. There is so much going on campus, you see people have BBQs, you see so much stuff around, sigh, how I love that.

Weather and hormones drive my moods :D

Have you ever?

Have you seen love slipping away?

Have you felt relieved after the battle is over?

Have you ever known that you will never feel the same?

Drunk talks. Yes I am drunk.... not really.. I can still type fine .. haha

Have you ever been forced to plan some months ahead when you know you lease expected them?

Have you ever lost a friend?

Have ever felt the need to escape when that's what you never do?

Have you ever felt alone?

oh btw

I still think you are pretty baby..

No matter what goes on...

Beautiful or Ugly?

Some people just know whether they are beautiful or not. I am talking about the outside, even though the word actually takes everything into consideration, including what's inside.

And then some people know they are not really.

And then there are some who see themselves from the eyes of others. (Ofcourse) I fall in this category.

My mom thinks I am pretty, and obviously she would think that even if I were 50 pounds more, and had fat oozing out of every area, so she definitely does not count.

Then there are my friends. It's not their job to go around saying I am pretty, because that would be just lame (and a lot of times a lie).But but but... I see what they feel in their eyes. I see it what they really want to tell me, in the way they talk to me. The way my girl friends talk about the boy I want to date, the way my guy friends make sidey comments, and you know all the crap that goes on.

My point is.. how much does it matter what's on the outside? I mean I am sure you need to have something, but how important it is compared to what's inside?

My friend Gauri says, "I don't understand how can someone let someone go when they click so well." 

And my answer to that was.. "Well, because they are young and they know, the chances of finding a prettier face exist pretty nicely."

That stands specially true for boys. I actually know some, who would always go for the prettier thing, even if the girl they apparently click with is standing right next to them.

So coming back to my main point... 

I am not very self obsessed, I believe what my friends tell me. If they say, "Dude go wear something better" or "You have too much make up on" or "You look fab".. I basically believe it. So if one of my best friends tell me that I am ugly (not that harsh, but for the lack of a better word), I think I believe it, if not believe it then I wonder ... really don't you think I am beautiful just because you know me so well?

Frankly speaking, personally I am very content with whatever I am, and no I do not think I am ugly, but since I give people the power to speak, I get hurt. It's not about what you say, it is about how you say it. I should be immuned to a lot of stuff.. (I think I kinda am).. but certain things that are said are classic.

I picked this piece up from an anonymous blog. This is how the guy talks to the girl, while subtly telling her she is not worth it...

He: Why do you have to react like this when I am with her, or I talk to her

She: Because you like her, and I cant stand it

He: I thought it was clear since the beginning

She: I thought things were changing.... (awkward silence).... Would you rather date her than me?

He: Yes

She: ok

She (thinks to herself): Wow.. the man is honest, and I am still doing what I am doing

Girls generally do fall for a less conventional good looking boy, but how many times have you seen a boy pick up the slighly over weight, not glass shattering material girl but nice girl over a pretty pretty thing? ... ahhh ahhh ahhhh ... never

So the question is how do you really know what you are when your girl friends say you are pretty, the man you love thinks you are not even close, your mom thinks you'll get anyone and oh well you dont really think about it anymore???

It's amazing what all thoughts come to mind.. the only consolation.. these random thoughts are so unreal untimes, that I am glad things don't always happen to be written.

It is more like what you do if.....

If then analysis.. like a true wanna be programmer.. sigh!