Two months later

It's been two months since I last wrote. Probably the longest I have ever gone without saying anything here.


I was just doing my normal browsing, watching random movies bit right now. Not working or answering emails for a change (everyone seems to be out of office for a week or so, hence I get the honor of not replying to emails or working this weekend). And then I thought, what did I do earlier in my free time or time when I didn't have work on my mind. I blogged.


Everyone seems to tell me how I have become this unreachable person. Not because I don't answer calls, reply to messages or personal emails, but because they don't know if its a good time.


Really?


It's only been a little over a year since I have been working. I am by means one of those top of the food chain, calling shots executive but it seems like I still come across as the unreachable kinds. Wonder what am I doing wrong?


For instance, one of my closest friend told me some time back, she doesn't call/text me because she doesn't know if I will even answer back. The funny thing there though is, whenever she has tried to get hold of me, I have answered back, even if the answer has been I'll talk to you later.


I think its just me. I need to fix few things about this whole, "she's so busy" persona. So to achieve that, I want to pen down my famous lists (which seem to have become an ancient thing now) and make few changes

• Don't talk about work
• Don't tell people how busy you are (everyone is)
• Don't even tell your work friends what you worked on
• Don't map out the country like it's mapping out a county and act like you know the country when you you don't
• Don't answer emails when with friends
• Don't act like you know it all
• Basically, don't do anything that you do in relation with work

Phew... that was an easy list to make. All I have to do, is not do anything that I do right now in terms of referencing my work life outside of work.

Good.

On a different note, A very merry Christmas everyone. I hope everyone has amazing holidays and Santa brings the best presents to all of you :)

I am hoping to do my annual list of the year that was this time. I will definitely try to get to that this year ( I know I skipped last year).

Till then talk to you all soon!

Happy Birthday Shahrukh

It boggles me how I am very unromantic and in real life, but then I see Shahrukh on TV as Raj and Rahul and the utter hopeless romantic in me starts dreaming and beaming.

I was just watching the making of DDLJ and nostalgia encapsulated with the love so rare, empowered me. I don't  know how just looking at Raj smile and saying, "Tujhe dekha toh ye jaana sanam, pyaar hota hai deewana sanam," spins my world around.

So many times I am questioned about my love for the man, and honestly I don't know why. I can try and explain the magic that he creates and hope that he instills, but I know I will not be able to do justice to what I feel when I see Simran running towards the train to get close to Raj.

I probably have seen this movie a million times, but every time I am sad, I put the movie on and everything disappears  For those three hours, and the few hours that follow the movie, I am in a world where everything is just fine.

I don't know if it's just me, or there are many others. But even now, I am running short of words to express how he makes everything seem better. I have never met him, I probably never will, but this love that I have will never die, and that is something I am very sure of.

With that, I want to say Happy Birthday to a very important person in my life. Shahrukh Khan. Without him, I would never know what to do when I am sad, how to live in a world which is unreal but seems so real for a while that I forget everything that makes me sad. The man who gave me Raj to love and Rahul to cherish.

The man who is loved by millions and even at 46 (on Nov 2) can turn my world around.

Shahrukh, I love you, and I wish you the bestest year ahead.

The way it is

When you are miles away from people, it gets harder with every day to communicate.

In today's day and world, we have made it very easy for people to stay in touch. There is Facebook, and cellphones, and IM and all that jazz, that is almost an easy and a free mode to communicate. Yet, communication, is what we always lack in, somehow or the other.

You can spend years with someone living in the same vicinity, and then it can take few months for you to feel that things are different, and they probably always will be.

I really wonder how you manage to come to that point with someone where you don't know how to let him/her know what you really mean, even though there are all these avenues of communication?

Distance makes so much of a difference, so much so that you cant help most of the lack of communication that exists. Distance makes it all go away. The understanding, the telepathy, the availability and most of all the friendships

Loving Indian Cinema (90's)

It's funny how I smile at songs that came out some 15-20 years ago now.

I grew up watching numerous hard core bollywood movies, and I guess then I didn't know how much I will cherish those million memories associated with each song.

I never thought I'll remember each movie, every song, every over cheesy lyrical piece made in the 90's. It amazes me sometimes, how so easily I start humming those songs without even realizing that I probably haven't heard them in ages. It beats me most days, how I do it. But I guess that is something I brought in my heart from India. The nostalgia, the childhood memories, the time I spent watching just one movie channel that showed movies the first half of my life.

Sigh... I miss being a kid.

If I start jotting all those songs I just keep close to myself, then I guess I'll never stop writing, but I know when  you read this, you'll probably wonder how the hell do I even remember these songs..I don't know myself. (Wish I had such an amazing memory at work)

But one of the songs that never leaves me is:

Weird I knwo.. Cheesy cheesy me...

or this:

It's almost like my entire 90's, two things that I remember the most is being in love with school and being in love with bollywood. I rarely watched a hollywood movie, or listened to non-hindi movie. I was sort of the non-follower of so many english movies and songs my friends listened to (unlike now) but school and movies is what I lived for, as a kid, that made me immensely happy, and then I didn't even know it.

Sometimes I just randomly keep on playing one after the other song on youtube and don't even realize it. It's like my brain just gets these signals to start searching away for that song.

Like this:

The movie was khiladi and even though I have not seen in in over 10 years now, I still have seen it at least 10 times in my life. Khudko kya samajhti hai used to be my anthem:

Sigh, man the old akshay and salman. I was in love with their movies as a kid, I have no idea where the cuter old boys have disappeared.

I loved family films, the ones where the family sits together, eats together and lives together even though i don't know if I can ever live in a joint family.

Remember Hum Aapke Hain Kaun? I have seen it 200 times and probably still can. It just never leaves me..
the pehla pehla pyaar hai concept:

(i have some free time after a very long time from work on a weekday that too, I know you can figure that out, so I am spending it on my favorite thing :) ... blogging )

I was in love with the Salman here:

And madhuri still makes me go.. wow. Here movies always left me smiling and loving Indian cinema more.. her sexy performance in this song below will always be remembered:

Madhuri reminds me of this one song that I have probably danced to a million times and gone crazy while doing so. The good old khalnaayak, and subhash ghai magic:

Trust me if you can dance on this, you can dance on any number in bollywood.

Now my train of thought has brought me to Subhash Ghai and his Khalnaayak and Pardes. Sigh...the beauty with which he made his movies...sheer magic.

And this last video just brought me to the love of my life, and the movie that makes all the difference in the world to me, the one that is still running to packed houses after 16 years, and the one that made me believe in love:

I think I should stop now. I feel like watching DDLJ..phew. I always end at thinking about it and then just watching it. Shahrukh, Europe and first love.. need I say more??

Abstinence

Whoa.. I went entire June without writing anything whatsoever.

Well I am busy...but then again who isn't.

I have thoughts, I do. But I don't know if I do justice to my blog anymore. Mostly it's just spending so many hours on the plane and sometimes genuinely wondering, "Where am I?"

By no means I have been in this profession for long enough to feel nomadic, but even then, sometimes I wake up (after sleeping for 4 hours) and I don't know where am I...

Mostly I get confused with the time zones, because even my phone doesn't do a good job in adjusting to time zones any more. East? Pacific? Central? No where? Who knows. It's just a non-stop fight with time.

Yesterday, I worked 15 hours straight. By the time I hit the bed, I didn't even know if I will wake up in the morning. The effort involved seemed tremendous in waking up, but I did. And now I am writing this because I need to look at something else other than all those work documents.

Anyhoo...

Apparently my emotions, my love life, my friends, my family, all of those things aren't very obvious through my blog any more. That's what I was notified at least. 

Oh well... I guess work is all I can talk about. Work is all I prioritize. And honestly, most days, work is all I have to keep me away from all the effed up stuff that I don't want to deal with.. SIGH!

How random can I be?

Anyhoo...

I wish I could change life a little. Just a tad bit you know. Just enough to be able to do few things without wondering too much.

And for all those you are still reading... I really wonder why?

LIFE

It's been almost 6 years since I moved to the States, and boy have I learned about life.

When you are 18, you think you will never change. You don't even know what's in front of you and how as you grow up life will happen, and you will feel/think differently. Then one day, you realize, nothing is constant, if there is something constant, it's the change, which creeps in so slowly sometimes that you feel like your entire life just became someone else's.

And then one more day you are 24, thinking what's the point of living so far away from your family, who by the way, are the only people in this world, who will give a rat's ass about you.

And while you think all that you know there is nothing you can change on your own, because life my friend kicks some butt and works in it's own way. You can plan however much you want, but life takes your calendar from underneath your feet and you just keep on wondering what the hell happened. Life, wins all the time.

And then one day, when may be you are 30, you'll look back and laugh at why were you so chaotic at 24, because after all, you did make it to 30 fine, and life got you there.

It's been a while, truly been some while.

I can give the perfect, life is crazy excuse and trust me it is sort of legit too, but I think apart from that it's also I don't know if everything that goes on in my head is something that I can pen down.

I know I have spoken about quarter life crisis, but since I am living it to the best of my abilities right now, there is much more to talk about when it comes to explaining how it defines me.

I am almost 24 years old (well almost, one more month), and I sometimes I feel so lost and and so burdened that I don't even remember being young(er) or carefree. I don't run from responsibilities, I love being responsible, I always have. It gives me a sense of being wanted, needed and important (selfish, I know) but right now I think I just want to be stupid, dumb and not care about anything.

I want to run to Rome for a year without worrying about how will I pay my bills. I want to take three days off from work randomly without worrying about how will the things I left behind at work will get finished. I want to go join some dance classes and become a pro at that without worrying about how the hell will I fit that in my schedule.

Then again, all these wants are coming from this temparary chaos that so called life is right now. There is no stability or sense of belonging. All there is, a void, which has been created with all the transitioning from college to work and growing up while leaving friendships behind in some way or the other...

(Yes I know, as usual I am just blabbing, but that's what I do)

I have a plan, but then again I have no strategy to execute it. I hate being 24 because of all the expectations that come from my extended family about getting married and settling down. I want to be 30 and still feel like 21, I want to be in love may be, but I don't want a husband, I want to be a Partner but I don't want to be a crazy workaholic.

(See how I just contradicted myself in one blog, yeah that's how messed up I am in my head)

Anyways..I want, and I want to live without missing any of anything.

On another note, I think I should definitely blog more. This is such an insult to my old habit of ranting. I think that always made me feel better. Hopefully, this time, I wont disappear for months.

And whoever is reading this...thanks for reading along. At least someone is listening/reading.

Overall, very randomly, just stressing on the fact that I love Shahrukh. I just do. (Super Random, I know)

P.S: I am in India right now, leaving to go back to Philly in less that 12 hours and some how I am not excited to go back to Philly. Sigh. Life I tell you.