Years of Blogging to Grow Up

Officially I am on vacation.

Which means I have time to think.

Which also means I think way too much about way too many, almost inconsequential things.

Which results in this crazy need to blog way more than I have in 2 years. Pheww.. wow

So... here it goes.. not making any particular sense as usual

I was talking to a friend, and talking about things in general, when she asked me, "Why don't you just blog and get it out your system." To that I response was, "Why would I do that?", to which she said, "Because that's what you always did."

Wow! I really did do that. For so long. Almost non-stop for 2 years. And then I stopped.

What does that mean? Does it mean I stopped thinking? Which is definitely not true by any means.

It only means, I started growing up, and understanding that the constant need to share information publicly is not that good after all. Also, I started working full time. A job that drives me nuts every day, but I love with all my heart.

And I am just somehow more aware of the crazies in the world. The things that people do with information (part of growing up I guess). The malice that exists. The way information can be used against you and taken out of context. All that.. scares me now.

I do know that this blog right here already in some way proves me to be an overly emotional person, but from where I am standing, this is seriously a completely open journal of me growing up. Sometimes, it makes me happy to go back and read some random stuff I wrote in 2008, and sometimes I feel like deleting it because I sound like an unstable college kid who spends her time worrying about stupid things. But all in all, it's my journey . It's a part of my life. It's MY crazies.

(Just wanted to say all that. Not being defensive, just random!!)

The CURIOUS neighbors

You know you have arrived in India, when people around you, and I mean random people who are your so called nosey neighbors, keep on pestering your mother to get you married, because well.. you are getting OLD.

OLD is anything over 24.

Seriously?

I cannot begin to tell how I pissed and annoyed I am by this. Mostly because that is not something you tell someone's mother, who is still grieving the loss of her husband, and doesn't want to force her daughter to make any life altering decisions such as "Getting Married."

I know this is normal here. I know when a girl is single after a certain age here, people become overly curious and overly chatty. But I refuse to deal with it. This whole thing, where all conversations begin with finding a groom, and end up having babies is seriously a reminder of how ignorant people are and on top of that, they don't even realize it.

Sigh!

Yeah, I am having issues with this whole part of the society. It's not that it affects me or makes me think "shit I am getting old," but it makes me disappointed more than anything else on how long a way so many parts of the society have to go.

All in all. I wish people got it. I do believe at the end of the day, it is a personal choice on how you chose to present your opinions in front of the others no matter what you believe in. You can be closed minded or super progressive, but how you interact with people and move socially is a personal choice. It saddens me even more than people still take so much interest in other people's business and do not know when to step back. That is their personal choice. And it is WRONG!

The "Coming Home" feelings

Couple of things happen every time I come back to Delhi. I feel a lot of things to start off, and I dwell on a lot of things.

This time is a little different. 

Mostly I just feel a lot of things.

To start with, I miss DAD more. Not that I don't miss him when I am in Philly, or some part of the US, but I miss him way more here. This is where it all is too real. The feeling of not coming home to him ever again. It's a bizarre feeling. It doesn't settle.

I also feel lost. But Overly responsible. I feel so much how I don't belong, and my world is just my mother and my sister. That's about it. I can be happy wherever they are happy. Doesn't matter if it's India or if it's South Dakota. Really doesn't matter.

(Now I am going to digress. And digress into what detaches me most.)

I know I am going to sound like one of those arrogant NRIs (Non Resident Indians), who leave India and when they come back have a problem with everything Indian when I say more, but I can't help it and say it. The root problem, the biggest problem is the LIE. Lying is so normal, natural and regular here. I guess I was a part of it 7 some years ago when I was barely an adult, but even then I remember I didn't understand why people lied about so many things. May be it's just a Delhi thing. But I wouldn't know. This is all I know in India.

The lying starts at the most basic level. Children are taught at school not to lie, but yet when they come home, they hear their parents saying, "Tell him I am not home," even when they are. There is lying with every sale that is made. "Madam, I will be there tomorrow for sure to install this for you," and yet you don't see him for another few days.When you call someone, they say, "I'll be there in 5 minutes, and yet they don't show up for another 5 hours." 

And all this is soooo cultural. It bothers me. It bothers me a lot. Why are people so attuned to not saying things as is. Why is it so normal not to trust people when they say something. Why do you have to call a million times to get a simple appliance fix in the house, only to hear them say, "I'll be there in 5 minutes," or even worse stop picking up your calls.

I know this is mundane to people who live here. They get so trapped in the mix, that after spending some time here, they do it themselves. That is the only way to get around your day to day craziness. Hell, may be even I will turn out to be like this. But do I want to?

No. Absolutely not. I don't mind apologizing if I am running late or coming clean. I like being told as is, even if it's not what I want to hear. I like being able to get things done on my own without a middle man. I like being able to trust a mechanic who comes over and fixes something, and not question his identity and intentions.

I like the life where I earn my wealth and my life without wondering about how will I survive in this crazy world without a man in the house (digressing again, I know). 

I am not being an arrogant b***h. I am just saying. 

I don't mind doing my laundry and dishes forever and not affording a maid. I do mind however, the lies, the chauvinism, and the, "there should be a man," in the house feeling.

I miss dad. He never let me face to face with the crazies. Now I don't have him. And i see the crazies all around me. And I don't like it. The man in the house is not there, and without him it's not easy. Not in India. And I feel detached. I love Delhi. But the people and the system. I am not so sure.

I know some people will hate me after reading this. But this is just my opinion. I know I am taking the easier route by complaining. But hey.. it's been hell of a year, and I chose to complaint!

Hi. Hello.

Not even sure if anyone is paying attention to this anymore.

The so called blogger in me is dead.

I have been consumed by corporate America, with absolutely no time or attention devoted to THE blog that in some ways kept me lively for a good 2 years. Wow.. 2 years.. just hit me.. that is long.

Anyhoo...

Today, while sulking with the fact that I have some sort of virus in my system that makes me feverish and lethargic, I realized work is not what I want to focus on. I want to focus on talking. And then I remembered. Remembered what I did, when I wanted to talk long time I ago. I blogged. I BLOGGED.

So here I am, typing away whatever the hell comes to my head. (No I am not dying, virus is the fancy word for, "you are sick, please stay in bed.")

I know I have said this a million times, but man.. work makes you feel older. I feel like life is just racing away, and before I know it I am racing through them years. I don't even realize when I turn a year older, and I wonder what next.

So much has changed, and yet in the past two years, so much has not. It's all about work, it's been all about work, and work people, and work places. I am absorbed in this crazy culture of competition, where sometimes you cannot breathe because you are going at 100 miles an hour

And at the same time... may be .. going at 100 miles is not that bad after all. May be this is how you learn all that you want, and all that you don't want at a faster pace than most people. Or may be, this race , is making me miss out on so much I could have gained on the way, only if I was going slower..may be.. i wouldn't know

(Btw, I started writing this a month ago, this is how bad I am at blogging right now)

Basically, I am getting older, and life is changing too fast,.. and well.. there is so much to look forward to.. and yet there isn't 

Two months later

It's been two months since I last wrote. Probably the longest I have ever gone without saying anything here.


I was just doing my normal browsing, watching random movies bit right now. Not working or answering emails for a change (everyone seems to be out of office for a week or so, hence I get the honor of not replying to emails or working this weekend). And then I thought, what did I do earlier in my free time or time when I didn't have work on my mind. I blogged.


Everyone seems to tell me how I have become this unreachable person. Not because I don't answer calls, reply to messages or personal emails, but because they don't know if its a good time.


Really?


It's only been a little over a year since I have been working. I am by means one of those top of the food chain, calling shots executive but it seems like I still come across as the unreachable kinds. Wonder what am I doing wrong?


For instance, one of my closest friend told me some time back, she doesn't call/text me because she doesn't know if I will even answer back. The funny thing there though is, whenever she has tried to get hold of me, I have answered back, even if the answer has been I'll talk to you later.


I think its just me. I need to fix few things about this whole, "she's so busy" persona. So to achieve that, I want to pen down my famous lists (which seem to have become an ancient thing now) and make few changes

• Don't talk about work
• Don't tell people how busy you are (everyone is)
• Don't even tell your work friends what you worked on
• Don't map out the country like it's mapping out a county and act like you know the country when you you don't
• Don't answer emails when with friends
• Don't act like you know it all
• Basically, don't do anything that you do in relation with work

Phew... that was an easy list to make. All I have to do, is not do anything that I do right now in terms of referencing my work life outside of work.

Good.

On a different note, A very merry Christmas everyone. I hope everyone has amazing holidays and Santa brings the best presents to all of you :)

I am hoping to do my annual list of the year that was this time. I will definitely try to get to that this year ( I know I skipped last year).

Till then talk to you all soon!

Happy Birthday Shahrukh

It boggles me how I am very unromantic and in real life, but then I see Shahrukh on TV as Raj and Rahul and the utter hopeless romantic in me starts dreaming and beaming.

I was just watching the making of DDLJ and nostalgia encapsulated with the love so rare, empowered me. I don't  know how just looking at Raj smile and saying, "Tujhe dekha toh ye jaana sanam, pyaar hota hai deewana sanam," spins my world around.

So many times I am questioned about my love for the man, and honestly I don't know why. I can try and explain the magic that he creates and hope that he instills, but I know I will not be able to do justice to what I feel when I see Simran running towards the train to get close to Raj.

I probably have seen this movie a million times, but every time I am sad, I put the movie on and everything disappears  For those three hours, and the few hours that follow the movie, I am in a world where everything is just fine.

I don't know if it's just me, or there are many others. But even now, I am running short of words to express how he makes everything seem better. I have never met him, I probably never will, but this love that I have will never die, and that is something I am very sure of.

With that, I want to say Happy Birthday to a very important person in my life. Shahrukh Khan. Without him, I would never know what to do when I am sad, how to live in a world which is unreal but seems so real for a while that I forget everything that makes me sad. The man who gave me Raj to love and Rahul to cherish.

The man who is loved by millions and even at 46 (on Nov 2) can turn my world around.

Shahrukh, I love you, and I wish you the bestest year ahead.

The way it is

When you are miles away from people, it gets harder with every day to communicate.

In today's day and world, we have made it very easy for people to stay in touch. There is Facebook, and cellphones, and IM and all that jazz, that is almost an easy and a free mode to communicate. Yet, communication, is what we always lack in, somehow or the other.

You can spend years with someone living in the same vicinity, and then it can take few months for you to feel that things are different, and they probably always will be.

I really wonder how you manage to come to that point with someone where you don't know how to let him/her know what you really mean, even though there are all these avenues of communication?

Distance makes so much of a difference, so much so that you cant help most of the lack of communication that exists. Distance makes it all go away. The understanding, the telepathy, the availability and most of all the friendships

Loving Indian Cinema (90's)

It's funny how I smile at songs that came out some 15-20 years ago now.

I grew up watching numerous hard core bollywood movies, and I guess then I didn't know how much I will cherish those million memories associated with each song.

I never thought I'll remember each movie, every song, every over cheesy lyrical piece made in the 90's. It amazes me sometimes, how so easily I start humming those songs without even realizing that I probably haven't heard them in ages. It beats me most days, how I do it. But I guess that is something I brought in my heart from India. The nostalgia, the childhood memories, the time I spent watching just one movie channel that showed movies the first half of my life.

Sigh... I miss being a kid.

If I start jotting all those songs I just keep close to myself, then I guess I'll never stop writing, but I know when  you read this, you'll probably wonder how the hell do I even remember these songs..I don't know myself. (Wish I had such an amazing memory at work)

But one of the songs that never leaves me is:

Weird I knwo.. Cheesy cheesy me...

or this:

It's almost like my entire 90's, two things that I remember the most is being in love with school and being in love with bollywood. I rarely watched a hollywood movie, or listened to non-hindi movie. I was sort of the non-follower of so many english movies and songs my friends listened to (unlike now) but school and movies is what I lived for, as a kid, that made me immensely happy, and then I didn't even know it.

Sometimes I just randomly keep on playing one after the other song on youtube and don't even realize it. It's like my brain just gets these signals to start searching away for that song.

Like this:

The movie was khiladi and even though I have not seen in in over 10 years now, I still have seen it at least 10 times in my life. Khudko kya samajhti hai used to be my anthem:

Sigh, man the old akshay and salman. I was in love with their movies as a kid, I have no idea where the cuter old boys have disappeared.

I loved family films, the ones where the family sits together, eats together and lives together even though i don't know if I can ever live in a joint family.

Remember Hum Aapke Hain Kaun? I have seen it 200 times and probably still can. It just never leaves me..
the pehla pehla pyaar hai concept:

(i have some free time after a very long time from work on a weekday that too, I know you can figure that out, so I am spending it on my favorite thing :) ... blogging )

I was in love with the Salman here:

And madhuri still makes me go.. wow. Here movies always left me smiling and loving Indian cinema more.. her sexy performance in this song below will always be remembered:

Madhuri reminds me of this one song that I have probably danced to a million times and gone crazy while doing so. The good old khalnaayak, and subhash ghai magic:

Trust me if you can dance on this, you can dance on any number in bollywood.

Now my train of thought has brought me to Subhash Ghai and his Khalnaayak and Pardes. Sigh...the beauty with which he made his movies...sheer magic.

And this last video just brought me to the love of my life, and the movie that makes all the difference in the world to me, the one that is still running to packed houses after 16 years, and the one that made me believe in love:

I think I should stop now. I feel like watching DDLJ..phew. I always end at thinking about it and then just watching it. Shahrukh, Europe and first love.. need I say more??

Abstinence

Whoa.. I went entire June without writing anything whatsoever.

Well I am busy...but then again who isn't.

I have thoughts, I do. But I don't know if I do justice to my blog anymore. Mostly it's just spending so many hours on the plane and sometimes genuinely wondering, "Where am I?"

By no means I have been in this profession for long enough to feel nomadic, but even then, sometimes I wake up (after sleeping for 4 hours) and I don't know where am I...

Mostly I get confused with the time zones, because even my phone doesn't do a good job in adjusting to time zones any more. East? Pacific? Central? No where? Who knows. It's just a non-stop fight with time.

Yesterday, I worked 15 hours straight. By the time I hit the bed, I didn't even know if I will wake up in the morning. The effort involved seemed tremendous in waking up, but I did. And now I am writing this because I need to look at something else other than all those work documents.

Anyhoo...

Apparently my emotions, my love life, my friends, my family, all of those things aren't very obvious through my blog any more. That's what I was notified at least. 

Oh well... I guess work is all I can talk about. Work is all I prioritize. And honestly, most days, work is all I have to keep me away from all the effed up stuff that I don't want to deal with.. SIGH!

How random can I be?

Anyhoo...

I wish I could change life a little. Just a tad bit you know. Just enough to be able to do few things without wondering too much.

And for all those you are still reading... I really wonder why?

LIFE

It's been almost 6 years since I moved to the States, and boy have I learned about life.

When you are 18, you think you will never change. You don't even know what's in front of you and how as you grow up life will happen, and you will feel/think differently. Then one day, you realize, nothing is constant, if there is something constant, it's the change, which creeps in so slowly sometimes that you feel like your entire life just became someone else's.

And then one more day you are 24, thinking what's the point of living so far away from your family, who by the way, are the only people in this world, who will give a rat's ass about you.

And while you think all that you know there is nothing you can change on your own, because life my friend kicks some butt and works in it's own way. You can plan however much you want, but life takes your calendar from underneath your feet and you just keep on wondering what the hell happened. Life, wins all the time.

And then one day, when may be you are 30, you'll look back and laugh at why were you so chaotic at 24, because after all, you did make it to 30 fine, and life got you there.

It's been a while, truly been some while.

I can give the perfect, life is crazy excuse and trust me it is sort of legit too, but I think apart from that it's also I don't know if everything that goes on in my head is something that I can pen down.

I know I have spoken about quarter life crisis, but since I am living it to the best of my abilities right now, there is much more to talk about when it comes to explaining how it defines me.

I am almost 24 years old (well almost, one more month), and I sometimes I feel so lost and and so burdened that I don't even remember being young(er) or carefree. I don't run from responsibilities, I love being responsible, I always have. It gives me a sense of being wanted, needed and important (selfish, I know) but right now I think I just want to be stupid, dumb and not care about anything.

I want to run to Rome for a year without worrying about how will I pay my bills. I want to take three days off from work randomly without worrying about how will the things I left behind at work will get finished. I want to go join some dance classes and become a pro at that without worrying about how the hell will I fit that in my schedule.

Then again, all these wants are coming from this temparary chaos that so called life is right now. There is no stability or sense of belonging. All there is, a void, which has been created with all the transitioning from college to work and growing up while leaving friendships behind in some way or the other...

(Yes I know, as usual I am just blabbing, but that's what I do)

I have a plan, but then again I have no strategy to execute it. I hate being 24 because of all the expectations that come from my extended family about getting married and settling down. I want to be 30 and still feel like 21, I want to be in love may be, but I don't want a husband, I want to be a Partner but I don't want to be a crazy workaholic.

(See how I just contradicted myself in one blog, yeah that's how messed up I am in my head)

Anyways..I want, and I want to live without missing any of anything.

On another note, I think I should definitely blog more. This is such an insult to my old habit of ranting. I think that always made me feel better. Hopefully, this time, I wont disappear for months.

And whoever is reading this...thanks for reading along. At least someone is listening/reading.

Overall, very randomly, just stressing on the fact that I love Shahrukh. I just do. (Super Random, I know)

P.S: I am in India right now, leaving to go back to Philly in less that 12 hours and some how I am not excited to go back to Philly. Sigh. Life I tell you.

Being on the road

I have always listened to rock stars, movie stars, sports people and some others, saying how being on the road becomes a habit, and almost a need.


I think I relate to that. Very much so.


I have not been in the consulting business for long enough but there were few weeks when I stayed at home and didn't have to travel. Those weeks were the hardest.


It amazes me how I am way more productive when I am dealing with flight delays, airport mishaps, less sleep and living out of a suitcase. I don't understand it, but I know I need it. I need to be in different cities, live in hotels, fly whenever and wherever for the weekend, come home every other weekend and stuff like that. If I don't do that, I start craving it.


The craving is from the sense of independence that comes from being on the road. It's a thrill. It's a power to be able to do so much more than you would if you were home all the time. And the appreciation you have for home, when you are on the road is much more than what it is when you are not. I miss Philly if I am away for 2 weeks, but I come to loathing it when I am there for 2 weeks. It's strange, but it's true.


I was never the lone traveler kinds, but now I am. I like to go places, see/meet new people, explore, dine, drink and do all those things. 


I don't know how long can I do this till. Probably till the time I don't have anyone to come back home to, which I hope is not for a long long while, but I hope to do it for as long as my body allows me to.


Phew!!


I am having all these realizations thanks to being away for 2 weeks and actually missing Philly. God bless US Airways and Delta for taking me places and getting me home.


P.S: Boston, Santa Monica and New York are way up there. just Saying

Letter to Dhoni

Dear Dhoni,

I am not sure if you are aware, but I as one of the billion Indians, would like you to know that we love and respect you. Now that being said, I know we just won against Australia, kicking them out of a world cup even before reaching the final after almost 15 years, but there are some things we should talk about…

First and foremost, what is up with your batting. I know you are in a pressure situation leading a team which is always surrounded by way too many expectations, but dude, c’mon, you know you are way more than just gifting the ball to fielder to get out kinda guy. Don’t you?

Secondly, I do understand that Indian players have never been the greatest of fielders, I mean everyone knows that, but I don’t understand the point of repeatedly making public statements saying, “We gotta do with what we’ve got, our fielding is not going to get any better,” “This is the best fielding we can come with, it’s not going to get better,” and so on and so forth. I get it.  I get that we probably won’t get better, but why can’t we try? If we can succeed in being a no.1 team, why can’t we be better at fielding, or at least try?

Lastly, I am sure you know that this is Sachin’s (the God of cricket) last world cup. Let’s face it, there is a very small possibility that he will play at 42 in 2015. So why don’t you fix this little bit of attitude that you have (which reminds me you have started sounding like Ponting, the way he did right before his downfall) and just focus on the team and the game.

And of course, I am just a fan, sitting and watching the game from thousands of miles away, without knowing what/how you guys strategize, but you all matter collectively to me. And as much as I have to agree that you know way better, I have to say what I feel is right. And since I am saying this after you have won the most epic game, it means that I mean it, because unlike most other people I am not getting over shadowed by the victory and losing the sight of what is important, the world cup.

So if you ever get a chance to read this, think about it. Think about where you are, and how can you be great by being a little better (learn from God here).

Thanks so much.

Regards,

A crazy fan

Freaking out

So I have established I do very well under pressure and deadlines and I suck when I don't have deadlines.


Anyways that is not what I want to talk about, but rather some other things I have established.


I don't have faith in people when it comes to believing they'll be there in times of sadness and need. This has been established based on certain incidents in the past some weeks. As it appears, I am not that chill either with uncertainty and anticipation, I freak out and want to run away.


The point here is, I know all these things about myself, and there is absolutely nothing I can do to fix it while not spoiling my relationships with people. The only fix in my head is to say 'bye-bye it was nice knowing you.'


It's amazing how I lose my sleep and food over things that are mostly the creation of my mind, sometimes instigated by minor events or few upsetting comments. And even worse is, I repeat, I can control it with most people, because I try not to be attached, but with some people, the ones I am attached to but not completely well versed to their personality, I have PhD in freaking out.


Sigh!


(This is my emotional outburst after maintaining a sane silence on heart filling information)


I sometimes really wonder is it just me, or the woman kind is like that in general. I would like to believe it is not just me and we are one of a kind, but when I am freaking out, every other woman seems so sane, that I sometimes doubt my capability to rationalize in instant situations.


(Not that you all want to understand the ***k out of me)


One thing I would like to add though, all this freaking out usually lasts for a few hours, may be a day, and once I am done freaking out, all I do is wonder why the hell was I freaking out in the first place.


Go figure!


It's almost like I have two parts to the sane part of my brain (Makes sense?)


I think I function best without attachments of sorts, but good friendships of sorts (This definitely doesn't make sense to you, I am very sure of that)


Anyhoo... today apart from all the meaningless conversation I just had with the internet up there, has been a very good day (I know it's not over it). Being recognized at work, makes my life go high-five itself. I wish I had way more of these awesome days. But then I think they only come after a couple of 14 hours days... had one of those yesterday.


Which really brings me to hopefully my last point, sleep after being exhausted at work, is the best sleep ever made by mankind God. I slept for barely 5 hours but the best 5 hours.


:D


So yeah basically I wonder how to not freak out.


P.S: I know I have typos all the time, but I am too impatient to double check. Can't lose that flow yo.

Let's talk about cricket

If you know me, then you know Cricket and Bollywood makes my life worth living (like for most Indians).

So, since the ICC Cricket World Cup 2011 is on, I can't help but be glued to games and watch some unexpected results while wondering how the hell is India going to make it to the next rounds, all at the same time.

Let's talk about some games that make this world cup a heart racing, jaw dropping, unorthodox and unexpected series of events.

England vs Netherlands


Most of us can't even name one player in the Dutch team. They are a bunch of players who come, play and leave. There are no hoardings or banners with their names. They just play for the love of the game barely making it to the world cup.

So when these players play England, a country where cricket was essentially born, I don't think anyone pays much attention to wondering who'll win, the question is, how badly will they lose.

But then there are players like Ryan ten Doeschate. (Yes, I know his name now). Who comes and plays so beautifully, that we all as spectators are suddenly wooing for the underdogs, the Dutch, to win. Yes England won the game, because in the last few overs, the Dutch started showing their amateur roots but Doeschate proved, doesn't matter which country you play for, it matters how you play, and how much you love the game with a century and two wickets under his belt.

India vs England


Not to be biased or anything, but the world knows that the Indians can bat. Before the game started, it was suppose to be an even game, with either side having similar chances of winning, but once the game started Sachin Tendulkar proved once again, he is here to stay and how.

When Sachin hit his century against the Englishmen, the world bowed down, and the English felt helpless. That's the sheer magic the man creates around him. A score of 338 is never assumed to be chase-able. It has never been chased in the world cup. It is always enough to put the opposition in pressure, even more so during a world cup game.

But then again, Indians who can bat like there is no tomorrow, somehow forget every now and then, cricket is a game of batting and bowling. Yes Zaheer and Harbhajan are good bowlers, but we need 5 of them, or may be good 4 of them, and that's somehow never understood.

Strauss, the English captain, made use of India's inability to bowl and hit his first world cup century crossing the 150 run mark, making the chase seem so easy, that one actually wondered if any score is ever enough?? England, at one stage, were positioned to win the match well before the 50th over mark, till as it always happens in the game of cricket, twists and turns, or a batting powerplay in the last ten overs changed the game and resulted in a tie.

That game just proved that no team today truly no.1, like the Australians used to be few years ago.

England vs Ireland


The biggest upset of a world cup ever. Not because England lost to their amateur neighbors, but because a country who is still fighting to get its test status managed to chase down 327 in 49.1 overs against the likes of Anderson, Swann and Bresnan. Such was the joy on Irish faces, it seemed like they had won the world cup in their own way.

The Irish have Kevin O'Brien, who has proved time and again that cricket is his passion, and he will play till he can prove that the Irish deserve more than just a world cup entry every 4 years. The Irish did it once before in 2007 when they kicked Pakistan out of the world cup, and once again they are ready to prove that they don't want to be underdogs, they are here to play cricket, like any other test nation.

England on the other hand must be wondering if they are capable of beating South Africa who they face next on March 6th. All the weird games had their name in common, and it's probably time for them to think if they are surviving through talent or just luck.



There is still so much of cricket to be witnessed and I can't wait to see how this all turns out. There is no favorite team this time. Australia is no more the super power, super confident, invincible team it was once. And right now, the cup is a fair game. Anyone can win it, the question is will it be one of the test nations, or we'll be surprised this time around? 

Do not even read this

So I have this "something is missing" feeling a lot these days. It is not suppose to be like that, but for some reason it is like that. I think I would like my blame my idiot BFF who decided to move half way across the globe, soon after which events took place which changed a lot around. 

NOT COOL!

I have friends but I am lazy, which means I would rather be in bed doing nothing, then making an effort of walking two blocks to see someone even if its 7 PM and I am back from work and I still have 4 hours before I start planning going to bed. So that in combination with my the closest friends not living around has turned me into a boring, not feeling at home person. 

(What am I even saying, someone needs to proof read this thing for me)

All I am trying to say is I think a year down the lane, I'd be ready to leave Philly and move to a different city. It was always about the people, and some how the people that made it what it is, are not here anymore. I miss those people but oh well, can't do no-thing about that.

(You know what I do at 8:30PM on a Monday night, plan on going to bed, LAME, very LAME, someone make me work out, I am getting fat... this is where I completely lost it)

Changing the topic entirely, I can't believe I am so feeling-less that I can't come up with a half decent expressive post. What is happening? I am thinking about work, and unfortunately can't write about that here, now can I..

Now I am just rambling, my worst ever I swear. 

Anyhoo, at least I cook more and clean more. (Not that it even matters). I am getting all homely.

Wonder where the college girl in me went??

I am alive :D

It truly sucks how much your life gets affected by 50-60 hours of work weeks. 


Don't get me wrong, I love working. I am not complaining about the long work hours. I guess I am disappointed that I don't get to blog as much anymore. When work is your priority and on your mind even after you are not at work, it's hard to sit down and come up with some coherent thoughts that can be jotted down here.


Also, I am growing up, so my pain and misery or my love and life won't come up here in a over the top, overly expressive fashion (Makes sense?)


What I am trying to say is, I am not the girl who can't keep a heart break to herself and has to write about the pain here anymore. I know I have done that for way too long, but somehow I wish I hadn't. I think it wasn't perceived the right way, I guess all I really wanted was to rant to strangers in this form without realizing how needy it sounds sometimes.


Again, I am not saying expressing here is wrong, all I am saying is I wish I had some control over my pouring emotions here. But then again, may be that's what growing up is, learning to be sane in situations which can leave you incapable of maintaining any ounce of self control and rationality. So yeah, I am growing up.


Now I know how it must have been to read me crying (in some sort of way) on my blog for so long. Honestly, it was genuine, I was upset, but may be I could have worded it better without revealing the importance of few un named people in my life.


I say all this now because new people come in our lives, we move on, we make a better life, eventually we are always glad that what happened did happen, but what we wrote on the internet always stays. It is a reminder of how uncontrollably needy you sounded in some way giving importance to something/someone that truly did not deserve the extra attention. 


(OMG, I will achieve sainthood soon)


So yeah, the original point was, work is crazy and I am growing up which leaves me sort of weary of what I say sometimes. I want to blog, but I don't want to cry. (Though I think I haven't done that in a while, and there is nothing to cry about actually)


As usual, I refused to process what I am writing and I summed up quite a few points here, so if you are a reader of this blog, you get the drift :D


On a side note: This winter is driving me nuts. Seriously nuts. I need spring, sun, clean sidewalks, cleaner roads, not slipping and falling, and wearing cooler shoes and not the boring snow boots.


FYI -- The cricket world cup is around the world cup and I am making a schedule to plan my sleep around it :D:D


P.S: I am getting fat in the winter..sigh

Some new year rants

Happy New Year people! I believe we are allowed to say Happy New Year all of January so I won’t consider myself too late in doing same.

Unfortunately I haven’t had the happiest of  a first week in the 2011 but that’s all in the past and I promise I would not let a piece of shrimp send me to the ER again, especially if I am in a city which is not Philadelphia (that makes the situation 100 times worse).

And I don’t have a resolution for this year. So many people asked me what’s your new year’s resolution, but I honestly couldn’t say anything. Mostly because, I think what’s the point. Seriously, I hardly ever follow one, and mostly it’s been losing weight, which will never happen (I have become more comfortable with not being a size zero over some time, with age comes wisdom J ). I am taking work even more seriously, I want to do three things at once, which is not easy especially because I sorta do have a life outside of work and time management is a huge task. I am sure it would be a huge help if I didn’t fall sick every time I step out of a hotel in some city but I am trying.

Right now I feel very triumphant because I managed to convince US Airways to put me on a flight to Phoenix and then to San Jose and beat the storm. I was almost sure I won’t make it out of Philadelphia today, but I guess this time I was saved. But I am sitting in the middle of two very unhappy people so I have no other option to concentrate on my screen. No small talk for me.. nope..none..what so ever.

(OMG, now I have a feeling I am going to start ranting about all the delayed and cancelled flights I have had in the past 2 months or so)

It’s January 11^th and I will cover 6 segments aka 6 flights today since January 1. And then life will change and I will be in Philly for 8 weeks non-stop without going anywhere at all.. sigh. I know I get tired of flying and fall sick and sometimes wish to be in Philly instead of some city like Indianapolis or San Jose or something like that, but I know I love flying. I don’t think I can do without it for much long.

(ok the rant did not come through.. good)

It’s a different life what we, consultants live. For us, the world is a relatively smaller place. We know if a close someone living in a city 1000 miles away, we’ll still see them once in two weeks. We learn to travel light, cover different cities, always be in a long distance relationship of sorts, meet a million new people, appreciate home more, yet need to get away from it to do that,  and maintain friends in random cities and still manage to see them every now and then.

It is hectic, but I don’t think I’ll ever have enough of it. It’s a weird satisfaction of sorts. The crazy working hours but the fun dinners, the sometimes long flights but a friend in the destination city that I haven’t seen in some time, the falling sick every now and then, but having coworkers who care around me..it’s all very comforting.

Basically I love this life so much that I will be devastated if I have to leave it. For that I need to sleep more, be more focused, eat  better, live better so that I do not have food poisoning at a very wrong time.

(I know I know I can’t stop gushing about how much I love my job)

Anyhoo, the point was to wish you all Happy New Year and really just say one thing, I know it’s just a change of one day that gets us from 2010 to 2011 and that shouldn’t really change anything right…

But there is this hope, this sense of ‘it’ll be better’ every time January 1 comes around. So make use of it, enjoy it, channel it, may be this year will be the best ever J

The year that was...2010

The year is coming to an end, and unlike last year I don't know if I can summarize 2010 as well as I summarized 2009.

2010 was a year where I think I discovered new things about myself or I guess I finally grew up. I learned to control my emotions, and many a times, I didn't feel any emotions.

I finished school, I spent 3 months doing absolutely nothing and sleeping 12 hours a day, I started working and traveling (still doing that), living off a suitcase, and towards the end of it I started saying good-byes. There is this weird feeling associated with growing up that came in 2010. There is this sense of nostalgia that came with 2010.  And most of all there is the "learning to be alone" syndrome that came with 2010.

In 2010 came the realization that it's hard to make those deep friendships after a certain point in your life. I realized how friends that I made in freshman year still know me best, still read me best and still are closest to my heart. I realize no many how many more people I meet, I hang out with, become friends with, at the end of the day those are the people I want to see in my life forever.

In 2010 came the realization that those people won't stay with me forever. They are leaving, finding their own lives, and saying good-bye is becoming harder every day. 

I don't miss the home works, or the early morning classes, I love working. But I miss those relationships, those people, those friends, some of whom have drifted away but still never leave my mind.

In 2010 came a lot of changes, just one thing didn't change, which should have changed. Still wondering how much more time...

So in 2011 this is what I want to do:

• I don't want to write a 'One Year Later' post again. 
• I want to go home and see my parents I want to prove distance doesn't hurt friendships
•  I want to be alone but not lonely 
• I want to be as happy as I am at work I want to feel some emotions. I think I lost too many 

I don't have any resolutions. I am just hoping for time to do its tricks as usual.

Growing up some more

It feels weird when the realization of being out in the world and making it on your own sinks in a little more on a daily basis.

I am so used to being surrounded by friends all the time that now when they have started leaving the city and move to places they have to be in or want to be in, my whole world is changing.

It's a weird feeling. It's like the first time you realize that there won't be any random get togethers and spontaneous night outs, because everyone now lives in some different part of the world. It's a sudden throw towards growing up and having to make choices around your career and friends.

Philly is home, but it's home because all my friends make it so, they have made it so. A month down the lane, half of them will be gone. I wonder whether Philly would still feel like home?

I need more time to adjust to this. This is all happening way to fast and it seems like I am whining too much about it, given this is how it works with almost everyone. Sigh!

I just wish it was not always about adjusting and getting used to changes, may be sometimes, somethings should be exceptions, where you don't have to adjust, because you don't want to adjust.