Too much talking is injurious to health

All this time, and I mean all my life, I have believed communication is the key to any problem. I have believed in talking things out, understanding the other side, explaining my side, coming to a solution, because after all there are always two sides to a story, and you won’t know the other side till you actually discuss it.

But now, after dealing with all sorts of people with all sorts of emotions and pre-conceived notions, I don’t believe communication is the solution to every problem. In fact, sometimes, actually, a lot of times, it just makes the situation worse.

I mean how many times can you discuss something and go over it again hoping that this time when you talk, things would be different? I am guessing about 10 times and then you’ll end up hitting your head against the wall. (That’s what I feel like doing after the 10th or so time).

So now I have a different take on the whole communication thing. Yes it is important, but only with few people, the ones that are open to criticism, the ones who can take some insensitivity from your side, the ones who truly care about you (this one also has some exceptions btw), the ones whose absence will certainly make life different. (I think I am having a hard time describing exactly what kind of people). But all the others, you can tell them once, but communication is pointless, it’s just a trigger to unwanted situations and emotional outbursts.

Basically, set back, relax, take time off, don’t go over the issues again and again, may be time, distance and some other factors will make things better. And if nothing works, then trust me, you are better off.

(How wise of me :) )

P.S: Some people never understand your side because they can’t see any other side from their own. They have a view of the world which is so subjective that every decision they see, is judged by what they would have done, instead of what could have been done. Those are the ones with whom, talking works the least. Just an FYI.

 

To err is human

The art of not going with the flow of emotions is not something that I have ever been able to practice. I usually follow my heart, chose to be blind, hope, and just wait for things to get better (as much as I despise the wait).

When I was younger I did not know how to analyze situations as well. I took things on the face value. I believed people won’t hurt me. I believed that I will get something if I really really wanted it. I believed what was being told to me was always the truth. I did not know how some moments can make you do things that you don’t want in the first place. I did not know that when people say things, they think they believe, but so many time they are just scared of a change.

Obviously I am older now. Not much older, but enough to know that people do things, say things, that seem right in the moment. They end up hurting people not because they wanted to, but because they were scared of doing the right thing, because they themselves never realized how to do it till too late.

Seldom are people bad. It’s just that there are very few who know what do when the moment has passed. How to fix things. How to deal with someone else’s emotions. Because after all, we are human. And to err is human.

(BTW that does not mean no one is bad, some people are just bad outright)

All that being said, I want to say I am glad I know all this. Obviously, I wish I could believe that there are exceptions to these situations and I may across them. But personally, I have not seen people doing otherwise with me. They have done the same thing. Said things in the moment. But all that never makes me think they meant to hurt me anymore. I just think its human.

And best of all, I have learned to back off. Back off from situations where I know my emotions may over ride my sensibility. And I don’t think I could have done it one year ago. I wish I believed in exceptions more, but may be it’s just too early right now.

It always feels good when you know that you won’t get hurt by friends or anyone else. It’s good to know that people make mistakes, just learn to cut slack or stop expecting them do the right thing.

It’s good to know that I can fix some things for myself before I get trapped in the moments or even worse… emotions.