To err is human

The art of not going with the flow of emotions is not something that I have ever been able to practice. I usually follow my heart, chose to be blind, hope, and just wait for things to get better (as much as I despise the wait).

When I was younger I did not know how to analyze situations as well. I took things on the face value. I believed people won’t hurt me. I believed that I will get something if I really really wanted it. I believed what was being told to me was always the truth. I did not know how some moments can make you do things that you don’t want in the first place. I did not know that when people say things, they think they believe, but so many time they are just scared of a change.

Obviously I am older now. Not much older, but enough to know that people do things, say things, that seem right in the moment. They end up hurting people not because they wanted to, but because they were scared of doing the right thing, because they themselves never realized how to do it till too late.

Seldom are people bad. It’s just that there are very few who know what do when the moment has passed. How to fix things. How to deal with someone else’s emotions. Because after all, we are human. And to err is human.

(BTW that does not mean no one is bad, some people are just bad outright)

All that being said, I want to say I am glad I know all this. Obviously, I wish I could believe that there are exceptions to these situations and I may across them. But personally, I have not seen people doing otherwise with me. They have done the same thing. Said things in the moment. But all that never makes me think they meant to hurt me anymore. I just think its human.

And best of all, I have learned to back off. Back off from situations where I know my emotions may over ride my sensibility. And I don’t think I could have done it one year ago. I wish I believed in exceptions more, but may be it’s just too early right now.

It always feels good when you know that you won’t get hurt by friends or anyone else. It’s good to know that people make mistakes, just learn to cut slack or stop expecting them do the right thing.

It’s good to know that I can fix some things for myself before I get trapped in the moments or even worse… emotions.

What’s wrong in being Single

If a girl wants to be single for a while (by which I mean 2-3 years), what is wrong in that? Most of my guy friends keep on saying, “You need to date someone. Just be with someone. You have been single for too long.”

I don’t understand why I need to do that? I chose to be myself, and I actually love it. At least for now I do. I never stop myself from meeting new guys, or talking to them, but if I dont get attracted to anyone enough to get in a relationship with them, that is not my fault.

He: What’s wrong with that guy? He likes you

Me: But I dont

He: Why? Try dating him

Me: But I dont feel anything for him

He: TRY!!!

Me: Try and do what? Why the hell should I lead someone on

He: Girls!!!

It’s not about being a girl. It is just about choosing to be happy. And not to sound sad or anything, but after what I have seen some guys are capable of, or just being in love and getting hurt to the point which I did not even know existed, i don't really believe in love.

(I mean there is love, just not for me)

So when I do not believe in something, it is hard to pursue it. May be that will change (even though I do not want it to EVER), but for now I am singe and loving it :)

Forget but not Forgive

I think I am going to follow this policy from now onwards.

Inspired by the song AFFIRMATION by Savage Garden

"I believe that forgiveness is the key to your unhappiness"

I love the song by the way :)

Years down the lane, I will still be happy because I will not remember. But for some reason I am made to remember, I will still be happy because I will never forgive!

I forget

I forget things that happen to me. Both the good and the bad, and I become neutral towards people sooner or later.

That's why I think I have never held any grudges with either of the exs. Because eventually I forget, and I move on like it never happened. 

I was talking to a friend last night, and she was telling me how upset I used to be about some things a year or so ago.

She: You used to be so upset about it. Dont you remember how bad it was.

Me: I dont think it was that bad

She: I think you forgot to see yourself. I saw it everyday for months.

Me: I dont think it was that bad

She: You say the same thing everytime, you forget your misery too soon.

Haha! I think she is right. But is that not a good thing. Not remembering how miserable you were, so that you can truly move on.  The only bad thing about that is I dont remember the bad things people have done, and then I am just normal with them.

She: You are so normal with that that person. Have you forgotten what happened

Me: It was not that bad. That person could have done worse, but that did not happen.

She: At that point in time, you could not stop cursing that person

Me: Really? I could not?

She: OMG! Brain cells not working

Her point being, do not hold grudges, but do not let the person walk in that door like it never happened. Be normal, may be give second chances, but that's about it. Second chances only happen once, and do not make them third, fourth, fifth or sixth. This theory applies to who ever is the person in question. Your best friend, your bf/gf, close friends... everyone. 

I will try and remember a little bit from now onwards. Not to hold grudges, but just to know how it gets when I am going through it.