Karma, luck and fate

"What goes around, come back around"

How many times have all of us heard that. Justin Timberlake even managed a song on that, but really is that true. If you want to believe in it, then you would probably associate every good or bad thing with something that you did in the past. If you chose not to, then you would not ask questions like, "Why did this happen to me."

I am on the believing side. I believe in Karma, not necessarily for others but for myself at least. Whenever something bad happens, I cant help but go through my life, and recall every person I hurt to make sense of why the thing that happened, happened at all.

And then there are the good things. They happen sometimes too, and then I think people put it on the luck. Most of the people I know do believe in luck, because you do need to be at the right place at the right time, to get some things to work out for you.

Karma and luck are two sides of the same coin essentially, where a strong belief in the former, perhaps prevent me from doing bad things or hurting people, and the latter may be just asks me to hope.

They say god doesn't help you, if you don't help yourself. Luck does not ask you to help yourself, and just depending on it might actually make you unlucky. So may be what we need is a hardwork and a belief that you can be rewarded for it, even if on the basis of luck.

I have been unlucky a lot of times, but then I have been lucky with friends. Some god things have happened, some bad things have happened, but then I have always figured out why those bad things happened.

The only thing I am unsure about is fate. I don't know where will I be 2 years from now, I dont know whether I'll be loved the way I want to, I dont know whether I am destined to achieve, what I want to in life.

All I know is I am happy with the life, even if "shit happens", and all I hope for is to Karma not strike again, because so far I have paid my dues, and be a little more lucky, and for fate to take me there where I want to be.

Looking forward to things I generally would never look forward to!

I was sitting talking to Pooja today, and she mentioned the summer, and how most of my close friends including her, Ali and Ankit are going to leave for that term. Usually, my response to that would be, "I can't believe you guys are leaving me all alone here, please don't go, find an internship here." This time my response was,"I can't wait till you all leave, and have the house to my own, and have new roomies."

I seriously can't believe I feel this way. I love them, I seriously do, but for some odd reason, I do realize now that I was being way too stupid to think that if they leave I'll have a boring life. Meeting new people, and getting to make new friends seems like an amazing idea to me right now, just because I know I am capable of it now. I think I have really given a lot of emotional bullshit to Pooja and Ali (Ankit and Tushar were never online, they got saved) , and they do need a break from me, and I need a break from pointless ranting to them.

Summer is far, but I am making plans already. :D
I want to do somethings with some people, and as usual, be as busy as humanly possible. Keeps me sane.

There is a list, like all the lists, hope it gets implemented.

• Go to the beach with Jessi and co. Look sexy in that swimsuit I bought last year ;)
• Take a two week trip to India and eat loads of paranthas
• Take a trip to whichever part of California Varun is in. I mean a trip to the west is always cool.
• Make sure the group exercise progrm at DAC does way better than last year's summer (I know I should give background on this, but hopefully all Drexel students will get this)
  
• Rant to Tushar and visa versa. As Tushar put it, its gonna be a Geetika and Tushar summer.
• Play guitar hero everyday (I really need to master that thing)
  
• Try and become a CA without actually living there. I'll get some more work to do :)
• Visit Andrea in Portland, and make her visit me. (My friend from Germany)
• Make Asia visit me here, she really needs to do an internship in the States
  
• Go see Rob and Marie. (Too many trips I know, I am sure I'll pull some off)
• And if Pooja and Ali decide to get good replacements for their rooms, bond with the new roomies.

That looks like a cool list for now, but I wonder how much of it is going to be really implemented. I can always try :)

For now, Spring, please come fast, I wanna see how I pull that on off (crazy work hours).

Everything happens for the best and Slumdog Millionaire!!!

As the title of this post suggests, I am going to talk about why I think that is so true.

I have not regretted anything in life so far. Even when something really bad has happened, the after effects have always made me think, how that bad thing was so important to happen in order to see the good coming. And now I think that is even more true. The past six months of my life have been filled with confusion, curiosity, anxiety, expectations and so much more, and all those things actually made me regret certain things in life, but now I know it was important for them to happen.

I feel liberated now. I feel closer to myself, I feel I understand things more rationally than digging deep into everything. I know what I want now, and I know what I dont want as well. I do wish there was an easier way to know all that, but oh well, a lesson learned is never in vain.

So here I am back to my old life, having a much practical and sensible view than before. Thank the German gods for that :)

On a different note, school is getting hectic, and I get those anxiety attacks when I am juggling between deadlines, but being occupied is the best thing ever. I am trying to get a lot of my work done before Marie and Rob come in the first week of March (I hope they don't bail out on me). It is going to be a hell of a reunion. I can't wait to hang out with them, and crack those silly jokes, or sing "Desi Girl" with Marie. I am way too excited about them coming here. Just four months in Deutschland has given me the most amazing friends, as much as I would not like to go back there, I am glad I had that experience. I don't think I am going to stop mentioning that for a long long while, since so much of the present me has to do with that experience.


Apart from Marie and Rob coming, nothing eventful is really happening in my life, but the Indian Cinema people are going gaga over the success of Slumdog Millionaire. If you already don't about it, which is certainly disappointing, then this movie is based on how a "slumdog" from the Mumbai slums wins a million dollars on the Indian version of the show "Who wants to be a Millionaire. The movie has won four golden globes including best background score for A.R Rahman and best picture drama. It has also been nominated for 10 Oscars. Frankly, the movie has Indian actors like Anil Kapoor, Irfan Khan and Frieda Pinto, and an India-Brit Dev Patel, but apart from Rahman none of the production part is done by an Indian. It is a movie written and directed by outsiders, but obviously the Indian Film Fraternity wants to celebrate like its a Bollywood movie winning Oscars. Sigh!!!

Personally I loved the movie, and I loved the music, Rahman is truly a genius, but I think the Indian Film People need to stop being so happy. After all, a foreign director is responsible for this achievement. Yes the actors are truly amazing, but its Dev Patel, the 17 year old Indian Brit who should be given the most credit, not Anil Kapoor or Irfan Pathan. The movie is nice, so I should not be complaining, and in some way I feel really proud as well to see that so many Indian actors are being recognized, but I wish that Indian directors could make us so proud, so that the credit truly belongs to India.

Anyways.. Slumdog Millionaire is a must watch. For everyone who wants to have a glimpse of this one small part of India (the Mumbai slums), this movie is a true picture. So go watch it, and get to see some Indian Bollywood style dancing!!!

I think I am back!!!

Friends, fellows and bloggers, I feel extremely happy to tell you that I am back to my life and my senses after almost a month of being back in Philadelphia. It feels the same, it feels like home, and whatever has changed or not changed is just perfect for now.

I was talking to a friend today and he asked me how my week looks like. This is how the conversation went: ME: Well, I have classes everyday and then work after that, that's pretty much it. HIM: Lame Life ME: This is what I call THE LIFE

I know most of the people think I am weird, since I love being busy, I never need any alone time, I love to just yap yap and tell some friends of mine about my day, but seriously I don't think that's weird. I just like the busy roads, the noisy streets, the crazy college life, the shady streets of west Philly, tall buildings, people around all the time, and so much more here. I am just not made for things that require self time, and that's why after so many months, I am so happy to be where I am.

Yes I do miss Aga, Asia, Marie, Rob, Maciek and so many wonderful people I met there, but I do not miss Mannheim. I would not trade my life for anything right now. I never knew what being here meant to me, till this very moment. The experience I had in Germany is so very indispensable, I probably needed it, just to make certain few changes in the way my brain works, and I just feel I can deal better with so many things now.

In certain ways, I would always be a hopeless, but at least now I know when to be one, and when not to be one. I have learned to let my imagination go flying, not over think, not expect too much, not underestimate, not overestimate, and the list can go on. Its just wonderful to be back, and wonderful to feel that I am back. Walking around on campus all day long, and then working in the evenings, ahhhh.. that's just too soothing to me now. I am glad my heart is finally here... finally I am here!!!!

College here seems so different

I started college few days back, and wow I can feel the change.

Its kinda weird to have classes everyday, do homework, have deadlines. Just does not seem normal. I think I am so used to "chilling" as they say, that the whole transition is not being as fruitful as I would like it to be. I think it would take some time for me to get into the grove. I need to start having those crazy work hours, and late nights at the library to feel normal.

Things certainly have changed. I have been living out of a suitcase for a while now, which is weird. I don't really have a bed to sleep on (does not mean I am homeless, I do actually live in a room), I don't really call any place "my place", and I don't show up at certain few places like I used to before. Its weird how 4 months of absence just switches one's life.

I remember when I was leaving Philadelphia, I spoke to Pooja and we had a conversation somewhere along these lines..

Me: I am scared things will change in 4 months
Pooja: What nonsense. Just because you are away for 4 months, doesnt mean your friends would change
Me: I know, but I still feel that
Pooja: You are an idiot.

And now 4 months later, I feel I was right to a certain extent and she was to a certain extent. I dont think my friends have changed, but some things have. Or may be all this is just one of those transition blues that I have to face. I am trying to figure so many things right now, that I do not even know that what exactly is going on sometimes..lol. Just know one thing, I am getting old (given that there is only 1.5 years of college left), so I better make most of my time left here.

The life after

A week since I left Germany, on new year's eve, I am sitting alone in my apartment wondering about so many things.

Its the vacation time here, so no one is really on campus and my apartment of 6 people has just me most of the times. For some reason, I dont mind being alone here that much as much as I minded being in Germany. There is always someone to call or talk to here, or some place I can just walk out to so it is not as bad. I do miss my friends from Germany though. I really wish I could see them again.

I also have one more wish. I want everything here to come back to normal like it has been since 3 years. I dont want any sadness, any issues with anyone, any complications, I just want that amazing college life that I have had since 3 years. There is prolly no reason for me to believe that it wont be the same, but then there prolly is. Its prolly gonna be the same after everyone comes back, and I start classes, and work, but for some weird reason things seem different.

I think this is a weird phase you go through when you switch lives, and there is this mid phase where you have nothing to do but just wait for everything to fall into place. Ahhhh... I am a stupid emotional overthinking idiot. Sigh!!!!

I think I need some face to face Pooja lectures or Ankit criticism. That would certainly help. But they all have to be in their home countries when I am here. Idiots. 5 days... thats all.. then I can start afresh :)

Its over.... Sept 3, 2008 -- Dec 24, 2008

A little less than 4 months in Deutschland. Visiting a good bunch of places, meeting some amazing people from all over the world, eating a lot of Doner, drinking a lot of wine (yes yes wine, not beer for me), having a million self realizations and some about other people and knowing where I wanna be. This is what this semester can be summed up as.

On the eve of my departure, all alone in Germany (as everyone has left), I want to think about everything that has happened in the past 4 months, and how I have cried seeing some people leave. Frankly speaking, Germany is an amazing place, not when it comes to all the paper work you have to do to get the smallest of things done, but for its people. It has been one hell of an experience, the one I think I would never ever forget. I have written so much about what I feel, and how I feel, that all I want to do is collect everything I have learned and make use of it.

There were about 150 exchange students who came here and Hafenstrasse was full of parties and sounds, and the past few days have been pretty much dead, with today the only sounds I can here are those of cars on the road. This dampness hints the end of the semester and echoes so many good byes. Saying good bye is the hardest, and this exchange term was a proof of that for me.

Leaving Aga and Asia today, I felt this weirdness inside me. Aga has been the most amazing room mate, and Asia a relief. Asia left at the end, and I just stood there for a while as she boarded the bus and drove away, recollecting every thing, every happy moment, every random thought, and every misery that we have shared. I miss her already. She is no more living next corner, and she probably never will.

But now I go back to my own life, a life that I have built myself over the past 3 years, the life that has made me what I am, and the life that gives me comfort so many times.

So goodbye Mannheim, goodbye Germany, and goodbye Europe!!! I am glad I made it here, and I am glad to learn what I learned!