Ignorance my friend is truly BLISS

I am one of those people who always want to know. Like always. I want to know where everyone in the house is, I want to know what my friends are doing so that I can jump on their free time, I want to know about their love life and other things and so on and so forth.

That is normal I guess, but for a change I think I do not want to know. I mean not about what they are doing and all, but in general I feel like not knowing sometimes is awesome. I am like a walking talking calendar for people. My roomies usually just come to me and ask where the others are, because they know I'll know. In other words, I know too much. Always, about everyone. I am not saying I am this person who people confide in, I am not, I can be an awfully self centered piece of a being, but I just like to know.

Some people like Pooja of course (my critic for every thing, the only person who can boss me around without actually pissing me off) tell me how I know too much. So once I decided not to know, and my curiosity levels rose like crazy, and I started thinking and thinking and thinking and then there was silence, peace, and no desire to know. It's like withdrawing from drugs. Its an addiction. Addiction to know. And even though its not life taking, its definitely life defining. I wish I wanted to know so much about Physics concepts, or art, or sociological theories, there would have been some rewards, but no I decide to stick to knowing about my friends.

I wonder what god was thinking while creating me. Yes its good to know, but no .. information overload is never ever good. What's the point in dissecting everything, in analyzing everything, in knowing everything. May be not knowing sometimes, being ignorant is a blessing. May be its saving yourself some energy, and giving you the opportunity to spend time on things that actually matter.

It's amazing how I spend so much time actually writing about what I want to change about myself. How the hell did I manage to gain so much imperfection. I was not always like that, but this whole self searching is happening way too much. That's why spring is awesome, it just keeps me in a good mood, even if I have reasons (pointless sometimes) to die inside.

On a different note, I start work on Monday. So basically six months of no school work, and a lot of free weekends. I have done it before and I know how the first 3 months fly by, and then the next 3 seem like a drag, but still I am looking forward to it. Change is good, change is motivating :).

And now I have to get back to studying, I have final due soon and instead I am spending time on my blog. I think I now have an addiction to writing too. Not that it's bad, but says something about my addiction issues (the knowing addiction). Technology sucks I swear, youtubing, blogging, iming does not let me study!!!

Letting go!

This is for all my friends who have sat through my emotional bullshit, and made faces (not that it ever stopped me), and asked me to just let it go.

Dear friends, the good news is, I just let go. No more do I want to know anything, or ask anything, or question anything. There is no want whatsoever. I kinda just wanna get done with finals right now.Sigh!

So yes Pooja, Ankit, Ali and George. I have spared you people for now, till I find a new thing to fuss over (hopefully shouldnt happen soon, I am kinda over all the drama).

On a side note, I feel homeless right now. Oh that feeling has creeped in again. Sigh!
Currently I am sitting outside at 3 am..lol. Actually that's the weather.

The point being I have let go!!!

And now I have to manage to get to an 8 am final without dying. I generally do not pull off all nighters so I have no idea why am I doing this. The problem is going to bed before 3 am seems like weird, and after doing that waking up at 7 am seems impossible, so I decided to bridge that gap and just not sleep.

I have nothing to end this one. I just need coffee!

One more list!

This is a list of all those hopeless lines said in a million romantic movies that I unfortunately I believe in somewhere deep down inside (yes yes I know what you are thinking)..

• If you love someone, let them leave, if they come back then they love you, else it was never meant to be
• Love makes you cry, it makes you sad, but most of all it gives you the happiness that can never be surpasses
• There is no thing like love at first sight, but there is love forever
• "I think of you every time a breathe, I wonder whether you do it too, because if you do then honey I am never going anywhere"
• Growing old together is all I need
• Love and friendship always go in hand in hand, if you can find your best friend in the one you love, that is match made in heaven
• "I think I am pretty much screwed for loving you."

I can think of others, but these are the ones I like. Hopeless hopeless.
haha!

Things that make me happpy :D

Since I am a normal human being, there are some things that make me happy :D
Actually I think there are a lot of things, but still since I seem to forget it a lot of times, I thought I'll share.. :D

• Shahrukh. The man just makes me happy, I mean all he has to do is appear on screen
• Mommy. Have not seen her in almost 2 years. The thought of seeing her makes me happy.
• Friends back home. When they call every month even though I tend to forget. Abhinav, Shaarang, Mansi, Rupa and Aakriti
• Guitar Hero. Playing it with some certain few at a certain place makes me happy.
  
• Being random makes me happy.
  
• Talking to Asia makes me happy
• Seeing Rob after so long made me happy, and I realize how seeing Marie in summer will make me happy

I think I make too many lists. lol!!!

This is one of my random being happy moments. hehe. I just am.. dunno why. I would love it to last all through finals week.

Patience is indeed a virtue!

So yes I am impatient. I do not possess the special quality PATIENCE. And I just figured that out.

Some certain events in my life just made me realize that. I freak out way to easily and then I say/do things which later I realize could have been done differently.

The thing is though, how do I gain patience. How do I develop the qualities that can teach me to calm down, and learn to wait. Not forever, but at least for a while.

I think a lot of impatience comes with being pessimistic. I tend to think that if I don't solve an issue right then and there, then it can never ever be solved. I think only bad stuff will happen, since I am unlucky with a lot of stuff, and then I make situations worse.

Well, at least I realize that now. I mean that is step one, aint it. :D

So ya.... I hope I fix this. Even though I think I am too old for any amends. lol!

I never knew!

I never ever knew that I was capable of being extremely outraged by something that in reality might not even exist.

I am a girl, and possess all feminist qualities, and hence emotions come in bundles. I am impatient with them, I need to burst them out right there and then. That usually is not a good idea, because then I say things I regret.

Being calm and cool is the key, but I have to talk every damn thing out. I wish I could just stop that. Things do need to be talked out, but some things just need time. Some things just need to flow, and reach the end on their own. Some things are never meant to be discussed.

So I want to change one more thing about me now, the need to talk it out all the time. The need to know all the time, and learn to just let it be!!!

On a side note, I love how vague I can be here. It is kinda awesome.. haha. I reach the surface but never dig in deep. I love blogging :D

And please excuse the typos in this one. I am using stupid IE!

And then I dreamed!

A girl can dream, a girl can hope, and a girl can wish, but what's the point?? Sometime I really want the stars to shine as bright as they could, sometimes I really want it to rain, sometimes I want to be loved like there is no tomorrow, and sometimes I just want to leave, even if I could not.

I think of the life I can have, and see so many amazing things around, so many amazing people around, but even then sometimes I dare to dream. It seems like nothing you have is enough, and there is always this want.. when all u need is the need.

Today, at this very moment, I want certain things. Certain things that will make the world seem so much better, even though I do love my present world. I see so many nice things around, I see so many things that I cherish, but want to see some more love around. Whatever happened to falling in love and being crazy in love.. to commitments.. to passion... to adventure.. to doing the stupidest things.. to following your heart.

Everyone around me seems to be doing the right thing for themselves, things that will take them places, and things that will not call them stupid. May be those people are following their hearts, or may be they are just too scared of getting hurt, or of being laughed at.

I dream to have that craziness around me where people follow their heart, and just do things because in their heart they are just falling in love and loving it. I have been hurt, and may be I will be hurt again, but still I see the beautiful, I try and follow my heart (not that it happens all the time, after all I am part of the crowd), and I wish..I dream.. I love!!!!