How things change

After a small argument. Or just a quarrel. Or just some mean talking…

Day 15

Her: ok I am leaving.

Him: Don’t go, please don’t go

Her: I have to go. Do some much work. I should be in bed soon.

Him: Just stay. Stay a little bit longer.

And so she stays….

Day 45

Her: ok I am leaving.

Him: Are you sure? You can stay if you want to. You don’t have to go you know.

Her: I have to. I have work.I should have been in bed by now.

Him: ok then, see you tomorrow I guess!

And so she leaves……

Day 100

Her: ok, I am leaving.

Him: ok. See you tomorrow

And so she leaves…

Day 150

Her: ok I am leaving.

Him: (silence)

And so she leaves faster than ever.

Do you get what’s happening here?

One year later

When things are not going so great, and you are desperate to change them and make every bit of your life work in the way you always wanted to, the easiest way (at least for me) is saying, “Next year, this exact same date, things will be different.”

On 23rd Feb 2009, that’s what I probably said to myself, because I definitely wanted things to change. One year later, on 23rd Feb 2010 things are different. Very very different, some of them are not the way I wanted them to be, and some are even better. But even now, even though I am not in a desperate need for a change, I want to say, “On 23rd Feb 2011, things would be even better.”

I don’t remember the last time I wished for things to be the same one year later. There is always a wish for something better, even if there may not be something ‘better'.’

Some people say being content with your life inhibits progress, but does looking forward to a change, to improvement, makes it much better? Honestly, I don’t know. This ‘one year later’ concept does not work all the time. Overall I am so much more at peace one year later, but am I so much more what I wanted to be?

Even today, I want to be where I wanted to be one year ago, I am still not there. Hopefully, I would not write the exact same thing one year later, thinking one year later, it would be better, Because frankly, there won’t be one year laters all the time.

So one year later, I want to not say one year later. I want to say, "this is where I wanted to be today. At the same place. With the some people. With the same job. And most of all, with the same life.

 

The chase or the challenge

There is something about a chase that makes it worth pursuing even if the prize is not something you wanted in the first place.

Human nature is attuned to challenges and coming out victorious. So many times it does not even matter you reached where you wanted to, the thrill comes from just achieving what you thought was a huge challenge.

And this theory that I just came up with has probably been discussed a lot of times by a lot of people, but I realize this every day, all the time because I am so the, ‘chase’ kinds.

My best friends knows me very well (as she should) and I should thank her for asking me evaluating my prize because so many times I forget to do that. And I wonder is it just me, or this is common phenomena? Do people always like to get to something they did not want in the first place, just because getting it was a challenge you embarked upon?

The chase or the challenge, whatever it is, gives you a brain rush like no other. The inner satisfaction you feel after every bit of progress you make is priceless. However much you think, “It’s the journey that is worth it, not the destination all the time,” but is it really that much worth it?

The worst of it all is sometimes when you realize you are the one who likes the chase, but you still do it. Because the high that it gives you is just irreplaceable.

(May be I am thinking too much)

I guess all I am trying to say is, I don’t know whether it is a good thing or a bad thing. Whether being all bout the chase is the ultimate driving factor towards the prize. Whether the chase is what makes you value it more? Whether after the chase is over and a success, the prize does not even matter any more?

Honestly, I don’t know. But I know living for the chase , if capable of giving you a high, is also capable of making the nodes in your brain dysfunctional  and sometimes, DEAD.

So just a friendly advice, beware of the chase. Evaluate the prize. Sometimes being the president does not even matter, if all you wanted to do was take the challenge of being one.

Makes sense?

Not just yet

Four more months, that’s what it has come down to.

That’s all I have before to live like I have been the past 4 years some months.

After that, it’s all about choices.

The thing is though, I am not sure whether I want to make them yet. Not just yet.

So many people I know, can’t wait to get done with school. All they want is to just start working, or take that one last trip, or not go to classes anymore. They want get their own place, move to their own house, buy a car, start saving. Just do all that grown up stuff.

I don’t think I want to. Not just yet.

There is way too much to decide on. Where I want to live. Which country? Which continent? Which city? Against… Where I should live.

What matters more? Being close to friends? Being close to family? Being by myself and making a new life?

So many choices. So many questions. As much as I am done with studying, I am not done with college yet. Not just yet.

May be I should just live the last months up. Cherish each moment. Go, see each part of the city. Make some memories. Relive some days.

I don’t know where I’ll be later.

Because it’s not over. Not just yet.

Happy Valentine’s Day

I am not really the one to celebrate it, but since it’s presence is very evident around me, I think I should just say it, Happy Valentine’s Day people!!

Love is a tricky thing, I don’t think you need a special day to express it, but I guess if you have one then go ahead, say once more, “I love you,” to whoever it is that deserves to hear it.

I don’t really care about whether I have someone to share it with or not, but so many people around me have plans that I catch the fever sometimes. For fleeting moments, but I do. Wouldn’t lie now, I wanted to do something too, but not a romantic something, just a fun something. :)

I was sitting at a coffee shop today, and I saw people pass by holding hands, carrying flowers, dressed up. Usually, I would not even notice that, but today I did. It was nice. It was pleasant. It was love-ly.

May be this day is just to have some love in the air. Nothing wrong in that I believe, even if Hallmark or other companies make a business out of it. Everyone finds a way to benefit eventually.

Not drifting away from my actual point (I do it way too often), I want to wish a very Happy Valentine’s day to all my friends. The ones who read this. The ones who don’t. And also the one’s who don’t even know this exists.

After all at the end of the day it’s all about love. Even if you think it is not. Every song ends with love, every story has some love. Every person wants some love.

All you need is LOVE…

Twilight or High School Musical

The title of this post basically equates to Robert Pattinson or Zac Efron. This may seem like a stupid question, but I am a little displeased with Robert Pattinson always being called hotter than Zac.

I know vampires are always way cooler and hotter (yes both at the same time.. go figure) than high school kids but Robert does not have that boy next door look. At least I think so.Zac has those green eyes and that perfect hair and just the right skin color. Frankly, the only reason Robert even makes it to the list because the vampire image will do it for anyone (ummmm.. almost anyone).

(Which girl does not secretly want a vampire.. like really)

So which one do you think is hotter? Clearly my vote is with Zac. Any day. Any time. Only if he were a vampire…. sigh

Ignorance or Circumstances

10 years ago if someone asked to name 10 states in the Unites States of America, I would have had one reaction to that question, “Wait.. but how many states are there?”

I was a happy kid, but I was not a completely aware kid. My parents had my priorities set straight. It was about studying and getting good grades. Its not their fault, they only knew to bank on education to get somewhere in life. They did not think dancing, singing, sports will get me anywhere. Not in a country where millions have dreams but without money or a solid support system, billions of those dreams, just die.

I grew up with Bollwwood, Hindi songs, cricket and knowing things about India. I did not know what was happening in Wall street, or if there was a city called Philadelphia, why was Euro enacted or why was the middle east being a pain in oil production. I just did not know all that. Not because I chose to not know. Because my priorities were different.

I believe I was given a childhood way more luxurious than my parents could have afforded but even then there was no place for learning new things, because everything, almost everything needed money, more money than the disposable income seen or known in my house.

I am not trying to get into a pity party here. I am just a little unsettled with a conversation I had with a friend, who thinks I could have had a better general knowledge if I was not so ignorant. But the thing is, I call it circumstantial.

I don’t know if I should put out the conversation here, but I would still like to. It made me think a lot…

This is a summary of what was actually said. Basically it reached a point where all my options were given to me and I felt a little judged. No harm was meant , he was just stating what he grew up with, and I stated what I grew up with. Just different opinions, but something to think about….

Him: I am sure you had options. there was a sports complex close to your house.

me: I could not even buy books. I did not have that much money. And the membership to the complex was expensive.

Him: You could have used the internet in school to know more things. You were just not curious. And I am sure it was not that expensive.

me: dude, i used to go there every summer

believe someone else for god's sake

you are having an argument with me

about something i grew up with

telling me there is always option

while i am saying

there can be options

but no for some people its not easy

especially when your parents don't want you to because they have their own reasons

and if you are not driven enough when you are 13

there is nothing wrong with that

Him: well if your parents don't want you to then you really don't have any option

Him: well there is nothing wrong with not being driven at any point in your life if you can sustain yourself

me: you have an answer to everything

don’t you

Him: I am not being dismissive here

me: yes yes

Him: but you must always be curious and you must always feel that there is something better waiting out there for you

it is what divides us from animals

(I met for lunch later so its not like this was a fight, just saying… :) )

The point is though whether its ignorance or circumstantial?