The year that was...2010

The year is coming to an end, and unlike last year I don't know if I can summarize 2010 as well as I summarized 2009.

2010 was a year where I think I discovered new things about myself or I guess I finally grew up. I learned to control my emotions, and many a times, I didn't feel any emotions.

I finished school, I spent 3 months doing absolutely nothing and sleeping 12 hours a day, I started working and traveling (still doing that), living off a suitcase, and towards the end of it I started saying good-byes. There is this weird feeling associated with growing up that came in 2010. There is this sense of nostalgia that came with 2010.  And most of all there is the "learning to be alone" syndrome that came with 2010.

In 2010 came the realization that it's hard to make those deep friendships after a certain point in your life. I realized how friends that I made in freshman year still know me best, still read me best and still are closest to my heart. I realize no many how many more people I meet, I hang out with, become friends with, at the end of the day those are the people I want to see in my life forever.

In 2010 came the realization that those people won't stay with me forever. They are leaving, finding their own lives, and saying good-bye is becoming harder every day. 

I don't miss the home works, or the early morning classes, I love working. But I miss those relationships, those people, those friends, some of whom have drifted away but still never leave my mind.

In 2010 came a lot of changes, just one thing didn't change, which should have changed. Still wondering how much more time...

So in 2011 this is what I want to do:

• I don't want to write a 'One Year Later' post again. 
• I want to go home and see my parents I want to prove distance doesn't hurt friendships
•  I want to be alone but not lonely 
• I want to be as happy as I am at work I want to feel some emotions. I think I lost too many 

I don't have any resolutions. I am just hoping for time to do its tricks as usual.

Growing up some more

It feels weird when the realization of being out in the world and making it on your own sinks in a little more on a daily basis.

I am so used to being surrounded by friends all the time that now when they have started leaving the city and move to places they have to be in or want to be in, my whole world is changing.

It's a weird feeling. It's like the first time you realize that there won't be any random get togethers and spontaneous night outs, because everyone now lives in some different part of the world. It's a sudden throw towards growing up and having to make choices around your career and friends.

Philly is home, but it's home because all my friends make it so, they have made it so. A month down the lane, half of them will be gone. I wonder whether Philly would still feel like home?

I need more time to adjust to this. This is all happening way to fast and it seems like I am whining too much about it, given this is how it works with almost everyone. Sigh!

I just wish it was not always about adjusting and getting used to changes, may be sometimes, somethings should be exceptions, where you don't have to adjust, because you don't want to adjust.

:(

So you know how I have been saying there isn't much to talk about in terms of being super senti and emo stuff. I guess there is now, not something I thought I would write about.


There are very few people in your life, and you are lucky if there are any, who affect your life a lot, and without whom, it's hard to imagine it.


I don't know if I am lucky or unlucky to have had two such people in my life. One I lost, and it took me a good long while getting used to having a life without him. It was a journey in it's own way. It was a learning experience. It was a call for having a shell, being more careful, it was painful, very painful.


And now the other one is leaving, moving 1000s of miles away and that my dear readers is not sitting very well with me. I know we will still talk but it's so weird to imagine not having her around all the time. It seems unrealistic, it seems insane and more than anything it seems very very painful.


I don't think I have it in me to get used to not having her around. Not spending hours talking about pointless things. 


(I think I am going over board)


I have never ever used the term 'lonely' about my life. But I feel like, life's gonna be lonely now. 

It's not what they all think

I was told today I need to think about things beyond work by someone who sees me once a week and has no idea about my hours the other four days.


She just came to my desk and said, "I get it you are young, but making work your life will not help much some years down the lane"


And after hearing that, I seriously wonder why does everyone, and I mean everyone think, all I do is work. I do have a social life, I do manage to see some friends every now and then, I do manage to talk to family, see them some times and I do manage to fit all that, in those 2 days off I get.


All I don't have is someone to come home to, which I guess is evident with my late working hours, but why is that so very important? I am not saying, it's something I am against, but all I am asking is why is it something that is considered an important thing to have, so important in fact, that unless you are with someone, people think you are lonely.


I know some of them care, but what if I genuinely believe that I am not made for all that? I always felt that I am at my sanest without having to worry about another soul in my life (apart from my family of course). It makes me more sensible, more driven, more focussed, more at ease. It makes me free, and trust me I like it that way and I don't think I'll trade my life with anyone at this point.


So as I said, I am not saying I am this, "I don't want to be in a relationship" girl. All I am saying is I am not, "I need to be in a relationship" girl. I'd rather be sad and lonely and a workaholic girl (according to the world that is), than be with someone who doesn't love me like there is no tomorrow, and I feel the same. And that my friends is a rarity, but I don't wanna do a 'regular.'


So yeah, that's my "relationship" post after ages. Its amazing how all I get to hear is "find a boy" these days. Sigh. Especially at work.

I think I am not a blogger anymore..sigh

It's sad how I don't feel like a blogger anymore.


I mean I can go on and on about how life is busy, and there isn't much time to sit down and write a blog post, but that's not the entire reason. 


The reason I think is I don't think about anything but work. I sleep, eat, drink, walk and talk work. (Very uncool I know), and the last thing I want is to blog about it too. I don't have any complaints and some people might think it's a sad and boring thing to do, but for some reason, I don't mind it. At least, not yet.


I am pretty sure, one year down the lane, I will crave for holidays and vacations and time away from work. But right now, that's not the case. I sometimes do feel the long Mondays where I get up at 4:30 am to catch a 7:30 am flight but apart from that, this is what I wanted, and this is what I love, so if doing this means I have no life, oh well, let that be the case.


And on the bright side, (I realized that while typing this post) all this working is making me stack up loads of miles and hotel points. I already have 2 nights free with Hilton (now that should be the cool part).


But yeah, the point of my post was, how I am not a blogger anymore. This is lamest I have been in more than 2 years of blogging. A part of it is having practically no personal life, and another part, may be I was never a true blogger. 


Sigh!

Ramblings (from the sky)

Alright then. Let’s talk about how it has been so far, or may be how it’s going.

Well, I feel very lucky in some ways I guess. I actually get to love my job, not only because of the work I do, but because of the miles I collect on plans, the points I collect in hotels, the places I get to see, the people I get to meet, different assignments/opportunities I am exposed to and may be I’d just stop a bit for now.

One of my friends asked me today, if I had anything bad to say about my job. It’s funny, how  I didn’t. I know it’s not perfect and I know there are things that are drive people crazy so I tried to look from other people’s perspective and did manage to give him an answer, but me, for me it’s perfect.

I don’t know how I got so lucky sometimes. I am not super smart, or super resourceful, or super talented, but I am super ambitious, and may be that’s why I can’t stop thanking mu God and my luck when I feel I am on the right path.

Anyways, enough about work. Apparently, that’s all I talk about these days. Sigh!

So… I am flying back from Boston right now, after spending (working) four days there, and now I know for a fact Philly has way too much work to do to become an AWESOME city. It is home, but it’s not amazingly fast like NYC, or clean and pretty like Boston, or dreamy like Seattle or so many other things. I didn’t have a choice in picking cities 5.5 years ago when I was moving to the States, so Philly became home. But I do have a choice now, and may be after 2 years I’ll be able to leave and settle down in some different city in some different part of the country.

I am going to Indianapolis next (by next I will usually mean 3 days in my blog, just saying) and even though I don’t have high hopes from it, I am happy I get to see one more city. J

I have a very long list btw…

(While I am typing this, my plane is losing it, shaking enough to make me believe I won’t make it home in an hour long flight)

I wanna see Chicago, Madison(WI), Austin, Miami, Orlando, Bentonville(AR)… don’t ask me why, Santa Ana(CA), Sacramento(CA), Minneapolis, Portland(Maine) and these are just the ones I can remember while my plane is shaking.

So anyhoo…I love my job.

The After-Life list

So now that I am clearly not in college anymore, and I clearly don't feel like being in one anymore (not yet at least), there are few things I would like to talk about the after life.
It's been way too long since I made a list, and this is my list for the after life, or some things that I realized (I sorta knew them on paper before) after finishing almost a month at work

• Weekends are sacred. Friday nights and Saturdays are the only two days where you can truly just do anything without wondering about tomorrow so much. You cherish them even more because you get to see your friends rarely, and those are the only two days you really get to see them
• Alarms are your best friend. You can never mess up with them, and I mean NEVER. The more alarms you have, the better it is for your time management skills to improve
• Watching your mouth becomes pivotal. No matter how chill your workplace is, you gotta cut those curse words out, you never know who gets offended and that habit eventually creeps in your personal life (not drastically, but somewhat)
• You make more dentist appointments and now you can afford to more than ever. Work benefits package are the best thing to happen to people in USA. Dentist visits are almost a part of your calendar and accepted very nicely at the work place
• You have new drinking friends. Happy hours exist for a reason and the reason is for all those people who work together and bond outside of the office with the help of alcohol, because nothing brings your guard down like some good ol' alcohol
• Suddenly you can't be in bed till noon on a weekend. Early to rise is your new mantra, even if early to bed doesn't work that well
• You can actually afford to spend $100 bucks on an expensive dinner every once in a while without planning it out way in advance. (This may have some limitations)
• Most of all you realize you are getting old, when people around you talk about getting married and having kids all the time.. sigh

And this is me talking in less than a month. May be after few more, I'll right a whole long essay on why people hate being single when they start working, I hear that one all the time.

So yeah, I have a life now, not much to complain about yet. I am content. That's a lot to have I guess.