Loving Indian Cinema (90's)

It's funny how I smile at songs that came out some 15-20 years ago now.

I grew up watching numerous hard core bollywood movies, and I guess then I didn't know how much I will cherish those million memories associated with each song.

I never thought I'll remember each movie, every song, every over cheesy lyrical piece made in the 90's. It amazes me sometimes, how so easily I start humming those songs without even realizing that I probably haven't heard them in ages. It beats me most days, how I do it. But I guess that is something I brought in my heart from India. The nostalgia, the childhood memories, the time I spent watching just one movie channel that showed movies the first half of my life.

Sigh... I miss being a kid.

If I start jotting all those songs I just keep close to myself, then I guess I'll never stop writing, but I know when  you read this, you'll probably wonder how the hell do I even remember these songs..I don't know myself. (Wish I had such an amazing memory at work)

But one of the songs that never leaves me is:

Weird I knwo.. Cheesy cheesy me...

or this:

It's almost like my entire 90's, two things that I remember the most is being in love with school and being in love with bollywood. I rarely watched a hollywood movie, or listened to non-hindi movie. I was sort of the non-follower of so many english movies and songs my friends listened to (unlike now) but school and movies is what I lived for, as a kid, that made me immensely happy, and then I didn't even know it.

Sometimes I just randomly keep on playing one after the other song on youtube and don't even realize it. It's like my brain just gets these signals to start searching away for that song.

Like this:

The movie was khiladi and even though I have not seen in in over 10 years now, I still have seen it at least 10 times in my life. Khudko kya samajhti hai used to be my anthem:

Sigh, man the old akshay and salman. I was in love with their movies as a kid, I have no idea where the cuter old boys have disappeared.

I loved family films, the ones where the family sits together, eats together and lives together even though i don't know if I can ever live in a joint family.

Remember Hum Aapke Hain Kaun? I have seen it 200 times and probably still can. It just never leaves me..
the pehla pehla pyaar hai concept:

(i have some free time after a very long time from work on a weekday that too, I know you can figure that out, so I am spending it on my favorite thing :) ... blogging )

I was in love with the Salman here:

And madhuri still makes me go.. wow. Here movies always left me smiling and loving Indian cinema more.. her sexy performance in this song below will always be remembered:

Madhuri reminds me of this one song that I have probably danced to a million times and gone crazy while doing so. The good old khalnaayak, and subhash ghai magic:

Trust me if you can dance on this, you can dance on any number in bollywood.

Now my train of thought has brought me to Subhash Ghai and his Khalnaayak and Pardes. Sigh...the beauty with which he made his movies...sheer magic.

And this last video just brought me to the love of my life, and the movie that makes all the difference in the world to me, the one that is still running to packed houses after 16 years, and the one that made me believe in love:

I think I should stop now. I feel like watching DDLJ..phew. I always end at thinking about it and then just watching it. Shahrukh, Europe and first love.. need I say more??

Abstinence

Whoa.. I went entire June without writing anything whatsoever.

Well I am busy...but then again who isn't.

I have thoughts, I do. But I don't know if I do justice to my blog anymore. Mostly it's just spending so many hours on the plane and sometimes genuinely wondering, "Where am I?"

By no means I have been in this profession for long enough to feel nomadic, but even then, sometimes I wake up (after sleeping for 4 hours) and I don't know where am I...

Mostly I get confused with the time zones, because even my phone doesn't do a good job in adjusting to time zones any more. East? Pacific? Central? No where? Who knows. It's just a non-stop fight with time.

Yesterday, I worked 15 hours straight. By the time I hit the bed, I didn't even know if I will wake up in the morning. The effort involved seemed tremendous in waking up, but I did. And now I am writing this because I need to look at something else other than all those work documents.

Anyhoo...

Apparently my emotions, my love life, my friends, my family, all of those things aren't very obvious through my blog any more. That's what I was notified at least. 

Oh well... I guess work is all I can talk about. Work is all I prioritize. And honestly, most days, work is all I have to keep me away from all the effed up stuff that I don't want to deal with.. SIGH!

How random can I be?

Anyhoo...

I wish I could change life a little. Just a tad bit you know. Just enough to be able to do few things without wondering too much.

And for all those you are still reading... I really wonder why?

LIFE

It's been almost 6 years since I moved to the States, and boy have I learned about life.

When you are 18, you think you will never change. You don't even know what's in front of you and how as you grow up life will happen, and you will feel/think differently. Then one day, you realize, nothing is constant, if there is something constant, it's the change, which creeps in so slowly sometimes that you feel like your entire life just became someone else's.

And then one more day you are 24, thinking what's the point of living so far away from your family, who by the way, are the only people in this world, who will give a rat's ass about you.

And while you think all that you know there is nothing you can change on your own, because life my friend kicks some butt and works in it's own way. You can plan however much you want, but life takes your calendar from underneath your feet and you just keep on wondering what the hell happened. Life, wins all the time.

And then one day, when may be you are 30, you'll look back and laugh at why were you so chaotic at 24, because after all, you did make it to 30 fine, and life got you there.

It's been a while, truly been some while.

I can give the perfect, life is crazy excuse and trust me it is sort of legit too, but I think apart from that it's also I don't know if everything that goes on in my head is something that I can pen down.

I know I have spoken about quarter life crisis, but since I am living it to the best of my abilities right now, there is much more to talk about when it comes to explaining how it defines me.

I am almost 24 years old (well almost, one more month), and I sometimes I feel so lost and and so burdened that I don't even remember being young(er) or carefree. I don't run from responsibilities, I love being responsible, I always have. It gives me a sense of being wanted, needed and important (selfish, I know) but right now I think I just want to be stupid, dumb and not care about anything.

I want to run to Rome for a year without worrying about how will I pay my bills. I want to take three days off from work randomly without worrying about how will the things I left behind at work will get finished. I want to go join some dance classes and become a pro at that without worrying about how the hell will I fit that in my schedule.

Then again, all these wants are coming from this temparary chaos that so called life is right now. There is no stability or sense of belonging. All there is, a void, which has been created with all the transitioning from college to work and growing up while leaving friendships behind in some way or the other...

(Yes I know, as usual I am just blabbing, but that's what I do)

I have a plan, but then again I have no strategy to execute it. I hate being 24 because of all the expectations that come from my extended family about getting married and settling down. I want to be 30 and still feel like 21, I want to be in love may be, but I don't want a husband, I want to be a Partner but I don't want to be a crazy workaholic.

(See how I just contradicted myself in one blog, yeah that's how messed up I am in my head)

Anyways..I want, and I want to live without missing any of anything.

On another note, I think I should definitely blog more. This is such an insult to my old habit of ranting. I think that always made me feel better. Hopefully, this time, I wont disappear for months.

And whoever is reading this...thanks for reading along. At least someone is listening/reading.

Overall, very randomly, just stressing on the fact that I love Shahrukh. I just do. (Super Random, I know)

P.S: I am in India right now, leaving to go back to Philly in less that 12 hours and some how I am not excited to go back to Philly. Sigh. Life I tell you.

Being on the road

I have always listened to rock stars, movie stars, sports people and some others, saying how being on the road becomes a habit, and almost a need.


I think I relate to that. Very much so.


I have not been in the consulting business for long enough but there were few weeks when I stayed at home and didn't have to travel. Those weeks were the hardest.


It amazes me how I am way more productive when I am dealing with flight delays, airport mishaps, less sleep and living out of a suitcase. I don't understand it, but I know I need it. I need to be in different cities, live in hotels, fly whenever and wherever for the weekend, come home every other weekend and stuff like that. If I don't do that, I start craving it.


The craving is from the sense of independence that comes from being on the road. It's a thrill. It's a power to be able to do so much more than you would if you were home all the time. And the appreciation you have for home, when you are on the road is much more than what it is when you are not. I miss Philly if I am away for 2 weeks, but I come to loathing it when I am there for 2 weeks. It's strange, but it's true.


I was never the lone traveler kinds, but now I am. I like to go places, see/meet new people, explore, dine, drink and do all those things. 


I don't know how long can I do this till. Probably till the time I don't have anyone to come back home to, which I hope is not for a long long while, but I hope to do it for as long as my body allows me to.


Phew!!


I am having all these realizations thanks to being away for 2 weeks and actually missing Philly. God bless US Airways and Delta for taking me places and getting me home.


P.S: Boston, Santa Monica and New York are way up there. just Saying

Letter to Dhoni

Dear Dhoni,

I am not sure if you are aware, but I as one of the billion Indians, would like you to know that we love and respect you. Now that being said, I know we just won against Australia, kicking them out of a world cup even before reaching the final after almost 15 years, but there are some things we should talk about…

First and foremost, what is up with your batting. I know you are in a pressure situation leading a team which is always surrounded by way too many expectations, but dude, c’mon, you know you are way more than just gifting the ball to fielder to get out kinda guy. Don’t you?

Secondly, I do understand that Indian players have never been the greatest of fielders, I mean everyone knows that, but I don’t understand the point of repeatedly making public statements saying, “We gotta do with what we’ve got, our fielding is not going to get any better,” “This is the best fielding we can come with, it’s not going to get better,” and so on and so forth. I get it.  I get that we probably won’t get better, but why can’t we try? If we can succeed in being a no.1 team, why can’t we be better at fielding, or at least try?

Lastly, I am sure you know that this is Sachin’s (the God of cricket) last world cup. Let’s face it, there is a very small possibility that he will play at 42 in 2015. So why don’t you fix this little bit of attitude that you have (which reminds me you have started sounding like Ponting, the way he did right before his downfall) and just focus on the team and the game.

And of course, I am just a fan, sitting and watching the game from thousands of miles away, without knowing what/how you guys strategize, but you all matter collectively to me. And as much as I have to agree that you know way better, I have to say what I feel is right. And since I am saying this after you have won the most epic game, it means that I mean it, because unlike most other people I am not getting over shadowed by the victory and losing the sight of what is important, the world cup.

So if you ever get a chance to read this, think about it. Think about where you are, and how can you be great by being a little better (learn from God here).

Thanks so much.

Regards,

A crazy fan

Freaking out

So I have established I do very well under pressure and deadlines and I suck when I don't have deadlines.


Anyways that is not what I want to talk about, but rather some other things I have established.


I don't have faith in people when it comes to believing they'll be there in times of sadness and need. This has been established based on certain incidents in the past some weeks. As it appears, I am not that chill either with uncertainty and anticipation, I freak out and want to run away.


The point here is, I know all these things about myself, and there is absolutely nothing I can do to fix it while not spoiling my relationships with people. The only fix in my head is to say 'bye-bye it was nice knowing you.'


It's amazing how I lose my sleep and food over things that are mostly the creation of my mind, sometimes instigated by minor events or few upsetting comments. And even worse is, I repeat, I can control it with most people, because I try not to be attached, but with some people, the ones I am attached to but not completely well versed to their personality, I have PhD in freaking out.


Sigh!


(This is my emotional outburst after maintaining a sane silence on heart filling information)


I sometimes really wonder is it just me, or the woman kind is like that in general. I would like to believe it is not just me and we are one of a kind, but when I am freaking out, every other woman seems so sane, that I sometimes doubt my capability to rationalize in instant situations.


(Not that you all want to understand the ***k out of me)


One thing I would like to add though, all this freaking out usually lasts for a few hours, may be a day, and once I am done freaking out, all I do is wonder why the hell was I freaking out in the first place.


Go figure!


It's almost like I have two parts to the sane part of my brain (Makes sense?)


I think I function best without attachments of sorts, but good friendships of sorts (This definitely doesn't make sense to you, I am very sure of that)


Anyhoo... today apart from all the meaningless conversation I just had with the internet up there, has been a very good day (I know it's not over it). Being recognized at work, makes my life go high-five itself. I wish I had way more of these awesome days. But then I think they only come after a couple of 14 hours days... had one of those yesterday.


Which really brings me to hopefully my last point, sleep after being exhausted at work, is the best sleep ever made by mankind God. I slept for barely 5 hours but the best 5 hours.


:D


So yeah basically I wonder how to not freak out.


P.S: I know I have typos all the time, but I am too impatient to double check. Can't lose that flow yo.