It doesn’t have to be love all the time

As much as people ask me to be spontaneous, I am not. I don’t do things in the moment. I like to think of the consequences and what after. My brain never stops working and so the moments are not as precious or I never let them be. Usually I do not.

This one time, the only time, the first time, I did something in the moment. I kinda have said this in my last post or the one before but right now when the moment has passed, I am glad I went through it. It was an experience and it was something I did not think through at all.

I do wish it  could last longer, I would be lying if I say I don’t, but I think the beauty of it comes from the fact that it was short and sweet. Dragging it would just make it bitter and raise questions. It would become one of those things which I would want to get out of. But right now, it seems priceless and the only thing I can think of is, sometimes people can do the right thing even after living in the moment.

The only song I can think of is, “I’ve had the time of my life,” from dirty dancing because I do not know if I felt that way before, but I definitely did not feel as free before. Never. I will probably not do something like that again, because now I am thinking (c’mon I have to do that), but I have memories, and I will keep them to myself, at least till they fade away.

That moment also made me realize that sometimes it doesn’t matter for how long you have been friends for, what matters is what kind of person you are and how much how are cared for. Sometimes 3 years are not enough, and sometimes 3 months are …..

I wish the reason I am doing this is justified. I wish the reason I was given is true. I wish I am not lied to. For now I believe I am not, and I just want to be glad I lived in a moment for once, for myself.

I also know, two years ago I would have done things differently, and I wish this happened 2 years ago. A part of me wants to take some things off my life right now, because I know I would have been a different person, I could have taken more chances. There wouldn’t have been that moment, there would have probably been more faith.

So, I guess I did have the time of my life… and I never did something like this before….and I owe it all to myself and some to you….

(The song goes differently…)