Weird Boys

There is this boy that I know, and I think he is ridiculous. I met him the other day, and this is how our conversation happened, just restating the fact that he is an idiot.

He: Hey! Long time no see!

Me: Yeah, been busy

He: Yeah, me as well!

Me: ok, I gotta run to work!

He: Wait, I think you look really nice. (Very very random, and in a way inappropriate, cant go into details)

Me: Ahhhhh, thank you!

He: You really do.

Me: Thanks!

He: When are we hanging out

Me: (Never I think) I have to go I will talk to you later.

And I find this piece interesting, because essentially that boy thinks, really thinks that I would hang out, even though since I have known him, I never have, due to the fact that he is the way he is.

What an idiot!

Once again, I can't believe my luck, I get unwanted boys, and not the wanted ones!! No balance what so ever in my life.. SIGH!

I think I am getting there.. fingers crossed

So last week has been the beginning of the new phase. The phase where I said I want my old life back. I feel like I have officially stepped in it. Which is a good thing. I have been trying, and at least now I know I will not fall back on the old routine.

It is amazing how this one choice that was made just re defined my whole belief system and made me stronger. It was such a lesson learned, it was god's way of telling me, "Dude, you gotta protect yourself first." 

And now at this point in time, I just know whatever it was...... friendship, companionship, care or whatever it was labelled is GONE.

(I think I am talking in a weird language, but it is hard to be specific on a public blog, and I do not want this to be private, my friends in far away lands get updated though this :D)

All I want is peace of mind (not actual peace with no people around), and I think by an estimation 4-5 months should be enough to get it in totality (no basis for estimation, just an intuition). 

And with this change come more changes. First of all, I have to find a new place to live, which means I need to find people to live with, and a place where the rent does not lead to bankruptcy. I really do not wish to pack and move again, I have done it way too many times, in the past year, but as usual I do not have a choice, and I have to do it.

(On a side note.. I think the American economy is hitting me as well :( )

And to end this, we have a song of the day, that very much says what it is:

So yeah... Jesse McCartney makes sense sometimes...lol

Forget but not Forgive

I think I am going to follow this policy from now onwards.

Inspired by the song AFFIRMATION by Savage Garden

"I believe that forgiveness is the key to your unhappiness"

I love the song by the way :)

Years down the lane, I will still be happy because I will not remember. But for some reason I am made to remember, I will still be happy because I will never forgive!

A sad post

If you have ever read my blog, you know how much I blab about my friends. How much they mean to me, and how much I care.

It just hit me today that when you get too close to them, they have the power to hurt you because they know how to.

How does it feel when they chose someone they met some months ago over you (who has been there for years) while knowing the choice would kill you?

Its at that time you realize YOU failed. Because you put so much trust and faith in a person who was never ready to appreciate it. He kept on pretending that you mean something, but really you were just some time pass to fill some void, which the new person filled.

It just saddens me deeply. Because I have always maintained that I am blessed to have such friends. But may be, I am not. May be I still need to learn a lot. May be I was not good enough.

I say 'I' because this fact is so very true to me for so many reasons. 

I wish I knew better...... too late... late enough to be sorry

I forget

I forget things that happen to me. Both the good and the bad, and I become neutral towards people sooner or later.

That's why I think I have never held any grudges with either of the exs. Because eventually I forget, and I move on like it never happened. 

I was talking to a friend last night, and she was telling me how upset I used to be about some things a year or so ago.

She: You used to be so upset about it. Dont you remember how bad it was.

Me: I dont think it was that bad

She: I think you forgot to see yourself. I saw it everyday for months.

Me: I dont think it was that bad

She: You say the same thing everytime, you forget your misery too soon.

Haha! I think she is right. But is that not a good thing. Not remembering how miserable you were, so that you can truly move on.  The only bad thing about that is I dont remember the bad things people have done, and then I am just normal with them.

She: You are so normal with that that person. Have you forgotten what happened

Me: It was not that bad. That person could have done worse, but that did not happen.

She: At that point in time, you could not stop cursing that person

Me: Really? I could not?

She: OMG! Brain cells not working

Her point being, do not hold grudges, but do not let the person walk in that door like it never happened. Be normal, may be give second chances, but that's about it. Second chances only happen once, and do not make them third, fourth, fifth or sixth. This theory applies to who ever is the person in question. Your best friend, your bf/gf, close friends... everyone. 

I will try and remember a little bit from now onwards. Not to hold grudges, but just to know how it gets when I am going through it.

It's going to be like this

So three years of college, I have been an indoors person.

I used to sleep on time, get up on time, few night outs, eat right (you know three times a day, healthy meal), work out, no alcohol, no smoking. It was a disciplined life.

Things have changed. I am never in my room, I sleep 4 hours a night and you know other stuff.

But I think apart from the hanging out with friends a lot, I want the old routine to come back where I could just sit in my room by myself and not worry about stuff, and not feel the need to go out. And I think it might just come back in some time. InshaAllah!

I am trying to mould myself to it right now. I am trying to stick to being in my room and not feel restless. I think the sleep will come back too eventually :)

Side Note: I want a miracle. I think I need a proof that they happen.

So yeah, hopefully its going to be like this. 

Blame bollywood

Bollywood movies are one of a kind. The trend is certainly changing, but the whole happy ending notion that has existed for a century totally messes up people.

I am sure there are happy endings in people's life, but dude.. does not happen often. I mean I love bollywood, not just because of the unreal stuff you see there, but also because I feel so much closer to my roots. My childhood, the streets I ran through, the places I hung out at, memories of all those things come rushing back.

But but but... this overly simplified love stories need to have a disclaimer man. Something like "What we are showing never ever happens in real life." Its like Disney, who grill in us as kids, that every girl has a prince. I wish they told us instead, every prince and princess is flawed.

I have not seen simple love stories, at least not among my peers. Either the boy is overly possessive or does not care as much or the girl is too emotional or does not respond to anything. And obviously in any case, the second person does not fight for what they call love. They move on, they break up, they find someone else.

I wish bollywood showed more of that, instead of the boy being drunk out his senses because the love of his life left him. Does not work that way. Does not work that way at all.

And there are movies where the girl knows the god will let her know when she sees the love of her life, he will send her signals, and then she'll live happily ever after. The producers definitely forgot the account the fact whether the boy will love her back. I mean its fine she loves him, what if he does not? In real life, people go through no reciprocation with love all the time, but apparently in bollywood, you get love all the time. What crap.

Oh well, I will still love bollywood no matter what. At least there is some place, which hooks you on to unreal but definitely worth making real stuff.