Sometimes I actually wonder why all that happens even if there is a reason and even if you never even wanted it to happen the first place. And then he other times you really want something to happen, even if you don’t know what and how. You just need that small change to make sense of things.
I am not talking about wars or recession or world changing event. But about small incidents or sometimes the big ones that change your life.
I am still in school (only for 5 more months though) and I am still looking for something life changing right about now. I am a romantic, I believe in goodness, I believe in happiness, I believe in good winning over bad. But some days or these days I seem to be more prepared for the bad, the ugly, the unhappy.
Don’t get me wrong. I am a happy person. And I am content person. I truly believe that life has been kind to me. I have may be blessed with more things and people than I deserved. I have learned from so many things. So many people. So many incidents. I have learned to love, care, fight, be strong, all because life taught me well.
I have been a rebellious teenager, an ambitious adult, a quiet kid, a driven worker. I have done everything by the book and I have never sat down and wished things were different. I have been sad and upset, but I never wanted to change my whole life around. Just because life has been kind.
But right now I think I need something to calm me down. Something to make me more at peace with myself. Something that makes me happy with being alone once in a while. Something that takes that scare away from me, meeting new people. Something that makes me upset if a friend leaves, not take it as a way of life. Something that just makes me make sense out of everything a little more.
Just something.
I don’t know what I mean by something.
Just something.
On a side note I am listening to a Hindi song and missing home just a little. Just a little.
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