This post may sound like I am completely contradicting myself, given I just wrote about how much I like America.
But right now I am in a state where I just want to run away. Most days I am glad for the life I have, I thank god everyday for giving me what I have, I feel lucky for being where I am. But today is one of those days where all I want is to leave.
In my head, the thought of just disappearing from the face of the earth seems very appealing right now. I want to go to a small city in Europe, where no one knows me, and I don’t know anyone and just start afresh. Just call my parents, and be in touch with them. Get away from facebook, gtalk, a smart phone and all those things that bind me way too much to be being connected to everyone and everything.
I think I need this break to get some peace of mind and stop worrying about things that are completely inconsequential. I think about things which I know don’t deserve so much thought. I think so much that I never go dreamless. I expect, I rant, I get into drama, I don’t rejoice in my professional and academic accomplishments, but rather stress about personal failures. After five years of being here, and knowing that the campus won’t be my home anymore, I need to just leave and start over.
This may sound very extreme and dramatic, but the person I am has a brain that contradicts itself every single time. May be it’s finally time for me to just give up on people for a while, especially when I know my absence for some time will not change anything. I will not be hurting anyone by just leaving.
I wish I am able to leave after school is over. Even if it’s for 2 months. I wish I can stop thinking when I leave. I wish I can just be by myself and learn to be happy alone.
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