Lil bit desi, lil bit American

So many ask me what am I doing here in the States. I should have been in India watching all those movies I love, all the songs I hum, all the cricket that I watch, all the ad films that air on Indian National television. My love for all these is so strong that it makes them think what am I doing here.

But the thing is, this is America. The beauty of it comes from the fact that you can stay her and still connect with home. I spend my days listening to songs like, “Chalte chalte mere ye geet yaad rakhna,” “Lag ja gale.” “Kisi ki muskurahaton pe ho nisaar,” all the ones from 1950’s or 60’s or 70’s. I reminisce by watching old bollywood movies and by cheering the Indian cricket team no matter when they play. I start singing, “Aati kya khandala” while hanging out with my non-Indian friends.

I like to curse in Hindi. I like to express in Hindi. I like to stand up whenever my national anthem plays. I like to smell the streets of Chandni Chowk. I like to feel like it feels in Delhi winters. I like to do so many things that make people wonder why am I here?

I am here because I can do all these things here and still be who I am. Openly non-conservative, and openly independent without any outside pressure. India is still developing in terms of gender equality, and as much as I love the smell of first rain in Delhi monsoons, I love my freedom, I love my independence, I love not being judged, and not judging.

I love not being answerable, I love not being stopped from doing things just because I am a girl, I love walking out at 3 am and feeling safer, I love knowing how to get everything done through the system without a third man, I love everything that I can do, what I couldn’t have done.

As much as I miss the smell of home, and the old hindi songs, I love it here. I know I can listen to the songs here even if I don’t get the same feeling, but I don’t know if I can walk out a 3 am there without a fear.

I am very desi. Very much indeed. But I also love America for the freedoms. So I am here being the desi I want to be, the desi I am proud of, the country I am proud of.